Losing a friend hurts. It does not matter if that friend is a human or a pet. This reality is true because friendship is an idea, and all ideas have an individual concept to them which reflect that person’s specific beliefs. Friendship to me is an interesting idea since I feel that it has really no basis for primitive creatures besides in creating a competitive advantage when hunting and gathering for food. Overtime, the pre-frontal lobe of the brain has once or twice helped humanity to develop positive and innovative solutions to problems which in-turn has allowed societies to modernize to where the world is today. This brings me back to my original point of why friendship in the modern sense is an interesting concept to me.
Over the last few thousand years, people have decided that having a plutonic friend based on mere similarities, common interests, and personality is a healthy and rewarding experience to have. Yes, humans are pack creatures and have always functioned in a society, but that does not directly correlate that the environments in which humans lived promoted real and lasting friendship based on mutually beneficial terms. I would argue that society has not always functioned with the best in mind for everyone. An example that I think would demonstrate what I am talking about is slavery as slavery was meant to benefit everyone except the slaves themselves. Likewise, I feel that primitive societies fostered environments of deception as friendships were used primarily as a means to raise your social status, wealth, or survival. Today, I feel that humanity has realized that having friendships does not always have to be about gauging how to best use people to help your own competitive advantage. Instead, people have started to realize that friendship is more about finding similarities between two people and enjoying spending time with that person simply because they are an enjoyable companion.
This brings me back to my second point which is the most relevant one in my life right now as I am dealing with the loss of my first dog, Trey. I feel looking at this situation from an external view removed from my personal relationship with Trey makes it hard to realize why losing a pet would hurt a person. The facts are that a pet is nothing more than a domesticated wild animal which humanity has coined a “pet”. Now, I first prefaced this paragraph with the previous couple for one reason. I believe that humanity has moved forward since the “cave man” days and found that even animal-human relationships can bring great joy in the lives of both creatures. Now, I think is as good a time as ever to talk about why human beings are attracted to pets in the first place.
I remember the first day we took little Trey home from the dog-farm, and I realized that this puppy was going to actually be our families. I was struck at how small and vulnerable he was than; small enough to almost that he was no bigger than one of my shoes. He was a small and fluffy little beast back than with enough energy to go on fifty walks a day. I contrast that with how old and fragile he seemed in the end of his life with his hips faltering and his constant whimpering whenever he heard thunder clouds nearby. Even if I wanted to get him to go on a walk the last year I was home before coming to China he seemed almost afraid to leave the house as Minnesota’s previous winter was extremely harsh in comparison to the one I was told we had this year. Since humans and animals both live within the confines of a biologically changing chemistry from birth to death; changes which the body cannot avoid inevitably bring upon the end of life.
Thinking about Trey in the spring of his life is always my favorite thing to do as he had so much vigor for everything as a puppy. I could always count on throwing him twenty or thirty baseballs the entire length of a field each day after school and him racing back and forth trying to catch the balls as soon as they hit the ground. Trey always had the best personality with people and dogs as he was extremely friendly to meet. I was always happy that Trey did not have that annoying tendency of some dogs to bark at strangers or dogs in the distance. Trey would often ignore dogs which is something that I have learned to admire since being in China and being constantly sought-after by Chinese people. Sometimes, it is best to just learn to ignore things that cannot be changed and learn to live within the realities of your environment.
One of my favorite experiences with Trey as a young dog was trying to train him to follow commands. I have to say that Trey was not the best listener in the world and needed to be reprimanded for a poor performance at least once or twice maybe. These experiences looking back are always funny to recount. They are also good examples of times when people are forced to be humbled by their pet’s bad behavior. I think that training a pet is one of the most genuine experiences which teaches people that in order to gain respect from anyone or anything in life you need to demonstrate that you yourself are worthy of that respect first. Only after that person or Trey, realizes that you are worthy of respect will they themselves head your caution / command.
The next moment in Trey’s lifetime again is extremely happy as I recount the summer of Trey’s life. He enjoyed trips to the cabin so much during this time in his life as he found Trout Lake to be the best place for him on this earth. The family cabin was a heaven for Trey as he took to swimming in Trout Lake instantly. Trey’s endurance while swimming as a young dog was hard to imagine as my Dad and I would both sit in the lake throwing him tennis balls for at least thirty minutes without him needing to take a break. As Trey got older he would deploy devious tactics to rest while in the water like trying to come to you while you were swimming. These moments could get tricky because he was not afraid to use his claws to “stick” you once in a while leaving a person with some bad scratch marks. Trey also enjoyed going on walks across the Point of Trout Lake. Trey enjoyed walking in groups of people or as an individual up North as near the road there was always a chance to see a deer or two, or three. When Trey was younger he might try and chase the deer as they fled from the scene like lightning in a storm. This time for Trey was always happy as he could always count on me slipping him an ice cream cone here and there after one of my frequent stops at the Cones and Kraft’s ice cream store. Trey’s happiness was palpable as he often could be seen with his long tong lolling from his mouth in the warmth of Minnesota summers.
At meal times on these merry occasions at the cabin you could always count on Trey plopping underneath the dinner table hoping for the smallest crumb of food to fall. Trey could easily become very annoying as he would persist in his attempts to get some food from someone at the table. Eventually, someone would tell Trey to leave the dinner table in order to stop his pestering. After a day’s worth of activities Trey would finally start relaxing around eight or eight-thirty. He would eventually find a place to sit around in the cabin before tucking himself in for the night in his kennel.
As Trey got a little older we decided that he could handle sleeping in my bedroom. This was always a funny experience as Trey was an extremely large dog and I a large person sleeping in the same bedroom together. I just remember thinking that if one of us rolled over in the middle of the night it might spell trouble for the both of us. Fortunately, Trey found the bottom of the bed the best suited for his personal sleeping habits which seemed fine by me as well. As I got into high school I decided that it was time to kick Trey out of my bedroom in order to gain my autonomy once again. The few years that Trey slept in my bedroom were very memorable and funny too now that I think about it.
When Trey reached maturity he discovered that he enjoyed taking walks more than catching tennis balls or going on runs. The one consummate thing during the fall of Trey’s life was his love of swimming. I was always amazed at watching a mature golden-retriever jump face first off the dock into the water to pursue a tennis ball that was cast off from the shore. It was an extremely heart-warming feeling and a lasting memory that I will cherish forever when thinking about Trey. As a mature dog Trey realized he enjoyed relaxing during quiet evenings with Mom and Dad reading books in the living room. Trey was always a people-friendly dog and really felt most at home sitting around next to friends and family members. Ever-so-often Trey would get a wild spell and try his best to sneak some food off the table, jump on a couch, or put one of our possessions into his mouth in order to show that he wanted to play. I know that I often was mad when Trey would pester me to take him out on walks when I felt I had something more important to do. Learning to work with anyone is a life skill and I guess my immaturity at times makes me embarrassed to recount now. I realize that learning how to live with Trey was something that truly helped me grow as an individual.
In college, I lost some connection with Trey as I was often training for football, studying, or having fun with friends on the weekends. Trey did not seem to mind that I was not around as much as when I was younger; instead, Trey greeted me with a wagging of his tail each time I visited home. I realize now that his life was so much about brining joy to other people now. I truly felt happy when we would be going on a walk together towards the end of his life. The one constant thing that you could count on Trey throughout his life is that he loved getting pets. When I say he loved getting pets I really cannot understate how much he loved this sensation. If you would stay and pet Trey for an hour he would sit there being very happy and content with this situation. He was also very excited whenever he got a new little chew toy around Christmas time and always seemed to find a way to destroy it in about 2.5 seconds. His love for socks was also something that you could count on his entire life. If Trey ever wanted to play with you he would come over to you with a pair of socks in his mouth and approach a person with his tail wagging a million miles per hour.
If Trey had a philosophical ideal it definitely would have been pacifism. He amazed me at how much he would let other dogs and people do to him before he would start to get upset. Trey really loved life and I guess it is fitting that he lived as long as he did. Most dogs are lucky to hit ten and Trey made it to thirteen which is amazing for a big dog. Thinking back on my life, it is hard to imagine it now without having Trey in it which is why I am going to miss him so much. I pre-empted my year and a half stay going to China by letting Trey know in my own way that I thought this would be the last time I would see him in this life. I know now that I am quite fortunate to have had such a wonderful pet that has impacted our family in such a positive way. While writing this blog I really enjoyed going back in my mind and thinking about both the good and bad of Trey. Just like a human being animals too have their bad aspects which in-turn people learn to live with and except.
Some last thoughts on Trey are all funny and I will keep them brief. Trey was partner to Ryan Wittman breaking his finger in fifth grade during a wrestling match in our living room. Trey once ate an entire steak when we were not looking before dinner at the cabin. Once I returned home from high school to discover that Trey had had an accident in his kennel which both surprised and angered me as I too became covered in Trey’s accident soon after he started shaking himself off. A last note on Trey that is something very funny is that Trey often liked to try and exert his male dominance on people he would meet by attacking their leg. This was known as the “red rocket” phase of Trey’s life and one that I will always laugh about to myself when remembering Trey’s life.
Back in China, the last few weeks have been pretty frustrating for me knowing that I did not really make that great of an impact on people in the grand scheme of things. Fortunately, realizing that I was going to be going back home in less than a month has reinvigorated me to continue working hard to pursue my original goals of positively impacted people in Rongchang. Lately, I have been able to have much more in-depth conversations with people since my Chinese continues to improve each week. It is always unbelievable for me to think about how much my Chinese has improved in the last few months only. In these conversations I have learned a lot more about the people in rural China and their general mind set on the outside world. It is interesting to hear people commenting on Joseph Stalin as a good leader, all Koreans being pretentious, and all Japanese being foreign-devils. I find that I am a little appalled at how close-minded many of the people our in this little town are in comparison to the educated people I have talked to in China. Realizing that people all have different experiences aside I and knowing that probably only twenty-five percent of Rongchang’s population have even been outside of Chongqing’s border provinces I find it extremely remarkable that people can make such claims about the outside world with so much certainty.
The past few weeks I have been for the first time since being in China thinking about what it is going to feel like to be back living in the U.S. this summer before returning to China for one more year of teaching in Beibei, Chongqing. Knowing that I will be heading back to a country and a home which has gone through changes that I personally did not have any part in is going to be interesting to say the least. I look forward to seeing old friends and family members as well as being able to visit the places that I love most in life. I also look forward to being able to recount all of my interesting, funny, strange, frustrating, and remarkable experiences of living in China. I am looking forward to learning from people back home whose lives have changed recently as I have obviously been out-of-touch with a lot of people while living in China. I can only imagine that some things will have changed while others are similar and that most of my friends will be eerily similar as they were before I left for China last February. I think that I will not mind any of that though since I am ready for a different experience and am excited to be re-introduced into western culture again.
Looking forward I will start my preliminary packing for my summer vacation this weekend which will be interesting. It is going to be strange to go through all of my things and recount all of the memories in my first home after college. I have had a lot of great, interesting, and frustrating experiences while living in China which I am sure to think about while I start my packing process.
Unfortunately, as has been the case each semester teaching in Rongchang students have stopped showing up to class as they prepare for their final examinations. This has given me a lot of free time which I have used to exercise, study Chinese, and talking with Chinese people in an attempt to better understand Chinese people. Interestingly enough I have discovered a tendency for Chinese people of all ages to continuously offer advice to me about how to do things. From small things such as, “you should wear more clothes”, and “it is best to take a nap or go on a walk after a meal”, to “you need to start studying how to be a father since you are of age now” and “you should eat more rice at meals”. I find this again an incredibly interesting phenomenon that has recently become very tiresome indeed since people will tell you these types of things each and every day no matter if you ask their opinion or not. Some of the more funny ones I have heard are; “you seem lonely so you should find a Chinese wife” and “your Chinese is so good that you can bring your family to live with you in China”. These types of communiqués would not be possible if I could not speak Chinese and appreciate the cultural differences within our two cultures.
This last month in China will be spent saying goodbye to friends and wishing others my best as I am sure I will not many of them again. I guess with all of these changes happening in my life it is only right that my friends are changing as well with the times. I hope that this gives you the impression that things are moving along just nicely and that I am mostly positive over my experience in Rongchang. I know that times are not always easy for me and nor are they for Cory and Ali, but I truly believe that what we have done is good and that our good work touched the lives of many people here in Rongchang. Even if that does not mean that our efforts will scratch the surface of all the bad things going on in the world it does not matter. In the end, a person just needs to be responsible for themselves and their own actions. Trying to save the world is pointless since the world was here before I was born and is still going to be moving along just nicely after I have perished. Life is an eternal circle of new beginnings and endings intermixed together into something humans have coined, “life”. I guess I am still pretty darn excited about life and all the interesting possibilities which surround it!
Best,
E.K.
