Growing is an essential part of living abroad...

How can one express the experiences of trying to learn about oneself in pen?  Millions of thoughts fly by within an instant.  The mind tries its best to capture and remember the most important thoughts to share with you all.  In reality, there is no way for me to completely describe the amount of growth I am going through right now.  Mentally, physically, and spiritually wonderful changes are happening in my life.  I have been searching the past few years to learn more about myself, where I wanted life to take me, the goals I had in life, etc.  Regardless of where I started I recognized that I needed to first make a few systematic changes in my life in order to reach a better understanding of myself.

I first wanted to reconnect my body with the universe.  After my experiences playing college football I realized that it was time for me to lose all of my excess fat.  I never enjoyed being that big, having to consume so many resources, and generally making my body, mind, and soul the slave of football.  It was a major growing experience for me in my life.  I took to this task vigorously by changing my eating habits, drinking more water, and exercising daily.  After losing over 100 lbs from largest weight of 308 lbs, I can safely say that I have never felt more at home in my own skin.  I was ashamed of my body when I was big.   Now I do my best to take care of it daily.  I have limited my alcoholic intake considerably as well.  Another part of being whole is not dividing your “spirit”, “conscious”, and “mind”.  I knew that alcohol was a great social lubricant, and used it during college to make up for my lack of confidence in myself.  At the time it made perfect sense and no one questioned the amount of alcohol consumed.  This counterculture of drinking in colleges is way out of control.  I know, I was just there and took part in it readily.  Once you look yourself in the mirror and ask the simple question, “Is this who I really am”, the remedy becomes simple.  I no longer feel awkward in my own skin; thus I no longer need to consume much alcohol.  Problem solved.  However, growing is never static.  As I continue to learn about my body I will always need to take in mind its general health.  No more “working” through pain.  I rather be smart and understand the days when I should probably only go on an hour run versus an hour and a half, etc.

Next I took to advancing my mind intellectually.  I had always had a great love, interest, and passion for all kinds of learning.  I knew that I should take advantage of this in China, so I stuffed my e-reading Kindle with several hundred books.  Living in an existential world can truly unlock a lot of things, which the mind successfully blocks out to try and heal our sometimes “soft” constitutions.  I know that my own constitution was growing weary of my designs in life.  What were my true motivations?  Why did I want to be a teacher?  What were my true gifts that God gave to me especially to help my true “voice” speak in my vocation?  What secrets had I tried to keep from myself?  All of these questions and more perpetuated my mind the last few weeks and months.  The growing processes can be painful; however, the alternative is to live in the shadows.  Once a person decides that living in the shadows no longer constitutes a functional reality to live in action takes place.  All of these lessons and more came from the wonderful book I finished reading last week Parker Palmer.  “Let Your Life Speak,” has helped me understand that it is essential to understand ourselves, specifically the gifts that God gave us as individuals to help us discover what our true vocational voices are.

               I knew that while living in America I was slowly feeling that my true vocational voice was being pulled this way and that by both internal and external forces too powerful to not acquiesce at times.  If I allowed these forces to win I knew that I would give into too many true “voice” destroyers such as: money, power, fame, etc.  All of these forces drove me inextricably away from what I was trying to accomplish in my life.  I was weak and often powerless to combat these forces and I knew it.  This is not the same for everyone in America.  Some people are very strong indeed and have always held these forces at bay.  Nonetheless, I knew that I could not flourish as a high school teacher in America alone.  I had always wanted to be the intellectual whose knowledge was greeted with eager listeners ready to learn.  At least in educational theory.  Even in college that is not always the case; however, that was the way that I have always been.  I have always been eager and excited to learn.  When I felt bad sometimes usually going to a college class would cheer me up.  I missed only a couple classes each semester (usually in order to study for a big test).  Rewinding back to when I was in high school, I knew no other way and that is why in high school I decided that I wanted to be a high school teacher.  Because, as my simple mind thought at the time, “everyone truly does want to learn”!  I could not grasp what my friends where talking about when they remarked that they “hated” school.   At the time I thought that they too were probably just lying to cover up for their real love of school like I did at times with certain people.  All in all, I have discovered that teaching high school would not fit my weak tolerance for punishment, interest in lifelong learning, desire to expand my mind, etc.  I know now that I had to have other things as well. 

This is not a reaction on teachers or the teaching career in general.  I realized that my own limitations where God given and I could not be truly happy working with them.  Preparing to look for a teaching job before coming to China I realized this all too well.  I was going through the motions, being a good soldier, and trying to find a teaching job.  In truth, I was trying so hard to conceal the fact that this was not the right career for me.  I was losing the fight and in this way I embraced coming to China.  I realized than as I do now that China is not perfect.  No place is.  Regardless, my sabbatical from America is allowing me to grow as a person; a thing I knew was necessary for me to understand myself better, hopefully find my vocational voice, and reach a level of comfort-ability with who I am.  I have always thought that before committing yourself to grow in life it is essential to understand yourself first.  Palmer taught me that it is okay to realize our own limits, understand our evils, and think carefully about our own machinations.

               I was working so hard on this journey but felt that I was losing traction after a few months in China.  Reading Palmer gave my struggle a whole new vocabulary which has helped give me more drive again.  I have always wanted to have my vocation speak to me.  After thinking about my good and bad personal traits I created a sketch of why I wanted to become a teacher.  I realized that my false ideas, my feeling of not being able to reach my potential, and generally not using my birth gifts was handicapping me from being a truly inspired high school teacher.  I remembered feeling tired student teaching.  It was not the physical straining which made me feel terrible when I came home at night.  I worked out for two hours at least every day after student teaching.  IT was the MENTAL strain that was frustrating me.

               Therefore, looking forward I want to re-examine my birth gifts to help me find that true vocational voice.  I realize that I have always loved to learn, have an incredible interest in everything, enjoy discussing with other people, reading, writing, learning, etc.  I hope to use these skills to help me “sing” in my career.  I know that if I do I will make the world a better a place.  After re-examing this goal I too realized that I was living a false dream.  Not to say that I do not want to make the world a better place anymore; however, I cannot start with that goal and use it dictate my career!  Rather, I must use my birth gifts to dictate my career first.  Knowing my nature, passion, interests, history, etc I will make the world a better place doing whatever career that becomes! 

In this way I am seriously thinking about doing something where I can try to understand the world greater.  I would enjoy doing something in the form of global studies, sociology, history, philosophy, Asian studies, etc.  I know that that would mean more school; however, I have always enjoyed school.

China has been an absolute blast the last few weeks.  I am starting to understand the questions that people are asking me with a shorter time lapse in between.  This along with my burgeoning Chinese vocabulary is helping me communicate with the locals.  I do not really yet have my tones down at all.  It will take years of practice to get that feel down.  However just being able to communicate with people is really great!  I look forward to continuing my Chinese practicing, learning, and speaking!

Looking forward to next week I will not be able to update my blog due to some exciting events…  Cory and I are heading off to Shanghai and Seoul, South Korea!  Our two week vacation is going to be a great way for me to start off my summer vacation, and for Cory to return the America!  As the summer winds down my parents are coming to visit for two weeks as well in August!  All together a wonderful time to be in China and young!

In Seoul I am going to have to buy another pair of running shoes and a pair of basketball shoes.  I have already gone through almost two pairs of running shoes in only four months!  I feel that this will probably be my greatest expenditure while in China outside traveling.

My students’ attendance has fluctuated greatly the last two months.  Unfortunately for me they are very busy (hen mang ma!) and not able to attend my classes.  Cory also has had the same problem.  It is a pity too because I really enjoying teaching and learning from them too.  Due to the fact that English is not a major or a minor my students do not really take it seriously as a whole.  However, the one or two students who do show up impress me greatly.  Their personal interest in learning, questions, and thoughts keep me energized to teach them.  The flip side of that is that they sometimes ask about the same questions.  This can get pretty repetitive at times too which can be frustrating as well.

I cannot believe that I am already done with my first semester teaching in China!  What an incredible experience it has been!  I cannot wait to start up next semester and feel energized for my summer travels as well! 

Love and blessings to all who are enjoying Minnesota’s and America's wonderful summer season as well back home.  I hope that all are able to get outside and enjoy the weather!

Best  

"Mei Guo Ren!" or "American man!"

It is a phrase which I have become accustomed to hearing now in my short time in China.  It is a stark reminder of my past, the influence of sight perception, and the truth of the power of “image” in our world of attraction to aesthetics.  I am constantly reminding myself that most attention is bad attention.  People whose biases incline them to have preconceived notions about other people (innately a part of all of human perception yes) also creates in them the desire (sometimes fulfilled sometimes unfulfilled) to be met by that person.  This natural human characteristic is a part of all of us, due in part for the evolutionary natural expediency of needing to recognize that some things that appear dangerous could harm us, others, or even be fatal.     

Regardless of the anthropologic background of face recognition, danger perception, etc the un-deserved attention which I receive reminds me to remain humble.  Following a victorious campaign aboard a Roman champion would be placed a victory laurel after a tremendous ceremony of pomp and pageantry.  The laurel would be placed on his head by a man who would dutifully whisper into the champion’s ear, “Remember, you are still only a man”.  This sort of proverb is something which I think about on a daily basis. I know that I cannot be everything to everyone.  This is a good thing too, due in large part to the extreme amount of false perceptions which people have about Americans around the world.  Our medium of cultural exportation in our globalized world is “T.V., Movies, Itunes, etc”, which do not always leave people with the most endearing, clear, or ideal pictures of Americans.  This is also okay.  No people are perfect.  America is also such an interesting, diverse, conservative, liberal, modern, traditional, etc conglomerate of ideas that no one picture can be made of it.  Today the world is greatly changing and it is exciting to be on the very forefront of these changes.  For in China the changes and past are still very much still in interplay together as the world continues to globalize. 

I love my experiences here.  I feel greatly blessed to be able to spread the “fire” of genuine cosmopolitan / internationalist interest, joy, and learning in China.  However, I am also compelled to try and understand the very nature of the wondering gaze of my eager Chinese passersby.  Many have preconceived notions at least to a degree about what, who, and why a foreigner would come to China.  It is my belief that some of them are correct; however, many of them are not so accurate.  Every person has unique ideas, values, goals, etc regarding living in another place as they do regarding any vocation in their life.  This goes to the essence of my evolving beliefs regarding existentialism which have greatly interested me again recently in my life.

Due to my beliefs in the idea that we all craft our own unique perspectives (emotions, values, fears, desires, reasoning, etc), I am drawn to think that we all think, feel, and do things in our own unique ways each day.  The very interesting thing lies at the next level though because at different times and situations I believe that our interpretations of the same exact stimulus, situation, idea, etc change due to the variability of the situation.  Sometime the changes in our interpretations can be subtle.  These realizations vary from person to person and experience to experience. Some changes can take years where others change at the very blink of an eye.  Here are a couple examples I can think of off the top of my head: this women you have been going out to dinner with a couple times becomes no longer a friend but a possible girlfriend, the reaction to a food that you once hated becomes more appetizing, the desire to change to grab something to eat, drink, sleep, etc. 

All of these interpretations allow us to think, react, and feel completely different about things at different experiences in our lives.  Being able to trace the inception of these emotions and reactions can be very difficult even for the most introspection and awareness.  However, I have had a recent break through regarding some of these things in my own life.  I know from the psychological experiment regarding reactions to stimulus that the brain uses both emotional and reasoned reactions about at the same level of interpretation.  The body touches something hot and simultaneously sends a reaction that something hot has been felt, and thinks about whatever preconceived notion of being “hot” would be at about the same time and level.  Are near jerk reaction to this might be that you drop the coffee, grimace, or deliver a quick word of anger.  To extend this theory (“The Schacter Two Factor”), I believe that the mind also reacts to experiences at different levels.  The mind uses both emotional responses and reasoned ideas regarding each and every situation.  In the past few months I have discovered so much in my life regarding who I am from reading different books, thinking, living in a new place, etc that I am getting closer to discovering the essence of who Erik Kottom is.   This is an essential piece in the puzzle of why I have greatly desired to go abroad.  Learning about who you are is an essential piece in discovering our own unique “voice” in the world.  We are constantly bombarded by society, friends, parents, etc in our lives.  In order to better discover these things it becomes essential to sometimes take a break from it all.  I have always desired to do this; however, putting words to this thought has not matriculated into my machinations until of late.  In this way, reading and writing have really allowed me to blossom my ideas regarding this desire.

I have began to read the novel, “Let Your Life Speak”, by Palmer and really taken to it quite quickly.  I feel that there are so many lessons that we can take from the essence of our youth which slowly become foreign to us as adults.  Even being a very young adult I am trying to grasp these “true self” ideas very slowly and carefully.  I know that I am only able to discover the past with careful reflection and Palmer goes into this at length from his own experiences.  I greatly value his advice seeing that his “vocation”, Latin for “voice”, allowed himself to discover his true passions and career in life eventually.  In this voyage, he alludes to it as a “pilgrimage”, into our past I have been examining the things which I done both individually and in groups, enjoy doing still today, the good, the bad, etc.  All of these thoughts have slowly been creeping into the idea that I have a critical “voice” in this world.  Palmer believes that all of our “voices” are critical.

It is critical because I value my life.  I feel that everyone has a critical “voice” in this world and must do their best to never forget this.  The last few days I have come up with the realization that I have been greatly drawn several things throughout my life.  Some of these things are innate to me.  Others are a visceral love that others share in their own lives.  Altogether this list has allowed me to discover the following: my desire at introspection, the continued need for me to “think” in life, my enjoyment at reading, passion for writing, creative thoughts, passion for learning (which seems to be getting stronger by the day), desire to make the world a better place, desire to know the world more, interest in discovering “truth”, love of humanity, interest in societies, psychology, politics, economics, history, etc to further my studies into the higher marks of academia.  I love teaching and it is a great part of my life; however, my mind will never be satisfied I fear at not continuing to learn, discuss, argue, write, read, remarks about subject matter with others.  I would enjoy some type of sociological, philosophical, historical, etc position in college very much.  I am not set to completely commit myself yet.  Time, past, present, and future will all continue to weave a story which is far from finished in my own life.  Greater understanding will always be a great goal of mine.  Interpersonal and interpersonal knowledge has always interested me greatly.

Enough about myself and the journey I am on.  Last week was unseasonably cool and Cory and I enjoyed quite a bit of sports.  Throwing the football and baseball has become a great past time for us in Rongchang.  I am continuing to exercise daily and get in a few basketball games each week as well.  All in all I am in the best shape of my life and enjoying it immensely.

Student attendance has been hit or miss most of the past month.  It is one of my greatest frustrations teaching here in Rongchang were English is not a major or minor study but a luxury to our student’s precise time.  I never feel anger directed at my students, though.  I know that they have classes seven days a week, study extremely hard, and need FREE TIME!  College was one of the most wonderful, confusing, interesting, fun, difficult, etc times of my life and I would like my students to be able to enjoy their time as well.  In this way, Cory and I work around or student’s absences with as much grace as possible.

Last weekend was an important holiday in China.  The “Dragon” festival represents an important period of Chinese history during the “Warring Three Kingdoms”.  Knowing that tradition is very important in China, I learned that a very influential poet committed suicide due to disgust with the whole “warring” situation.  In hopes of eluding the hungry fish away from his carcass mourners dropped food into the river.  This festival gave Cory and I another reason to be merry because of the arrival of two great friends: Jack and Lance.  Jack and Lances’ visit to Rongchang marked the first time that we had been together since Chongqing.  Catching up, chatting, celebrating, singing KTV, etc marked a wonderful weekend for us four! 

Summing up this blog is quite easy for me.  This experience is absolutely the greatest of my life.  I could never have expected it from the beginning.  However, almost four months later I am really starting to enjoy being here every day.  My life has always been a great gift; however, I am really hitting my stride with improving my Chinese which has also cheered me up lately.  The struggle to use Chinese as much as possible is tough.  However, I want to continue practicing my Chinese and enjoy being confused too.  The confusion draws me to want to improve something I know I will do in time.  I know I have a great way to go; however, that is the same with all of us.  Wishing all of you a wonderful early summer back in America!

Best,

Erik   

        

A Marvelous May!

Cultural lessons, time warps, inspirations, and a wonderful treat!  That seems quite a lot to be expounded on in a mere week’s time.  However, this has been not a regular week in any sense of the word.  Every week in China delivers a myriad of discoveries a week before thought to be out of the realm of possibilities.  I feel that places are always an important part of all of our lives’.  I knew that I had such a great place back home in MN; however, I felt sure that I needed to get a stronger world perspective to be a part of this global world.  This goes back to basic ideals behind my adventures abroad.  I have great goals in my life, and I knew than as I do now that in order to achieve them I will have to be better acquainted with the ever changing world we live in today.

In my case, I have been cherishing the ability to grow ever since I casually interviewed several people who spent extended times living abroad.  I wanted to hear about their experiences, find similarities, and ask some questions about their travels.  To a “T” every one of them commented on the changes which took place in their own lives.  I am starting to internalize some of those changes which are being made in my own life.  This week was filed with another very un-predictable student attendance in all of my classes which enhanced my opportunities and time alone for thought.  I am also finding that time spent on my runs in introspection are allowing my mind to search quite deeper into ideas than ever before.  In this way, running has become an outlet for my mind’s mental release.  I am also increasing my training level for my marathon that I have been training for next year to run in Chongqing.  All in all, it has been a very productive week in retrospect!

On another note, I am constantly practicing my Chinese.  Every person I see I try and make some trivial comment in the standard Putonghua “Mandarin” Chinese.  In such a way, I am trying to practice my five different tones of speech.  I am also practicing my listening skills when I get a follow up question, usually in such a fast response that my head feels like it is spinning.  I have no fear in my response; however, I know that the mere fact that I am trying to speak Chinese gives me strength to carry on the struggle which I know will only get better with time. 

My cultural lessons have been spurred by the wonderfully interesting novel, “Cosmopolitanism” by Kwane Anthony Apiahe.  His philosophies on living in the world today are historically, anthropologically, psychologically, socially, culturally, and logically sound in much reasoning.  He does such a sensible way of underlining the flaws in positivism, expounding on the fallacies of modern movements built around branding societies as being archaic, delivering arguments against “universals”, etc.  At first, I was very skeptical in agreeing with him.  However, when he so eloquently stated that people within your own American neighborhood might argue so greatly on an issue such as “abortion”, gay marriage, etc his logical struck me.  In reading this book I am continuing to shape how I see the world which was my main goal in my adventures abroad.

So many great thoughts come out of looking into issues such as these.  What is the best possible policy for governments to make?  What is the role of an educated person in the world today?  Can a place really be faulted for being angry with a foreign power which tells them they should change their society for the mere reason which they do not agree with them?  All in all, questions such as these are very important to ask yourself and reason through.  What if the tables were turned and a foreign place were to tell you how to think and feel…  How would you respond to them? 

Please do not confuse Mr. Apiahe for having a certain political philosophy as well.  He certainly differs with his perspectives across the board.  For example, he argues that “universal” cultural imperialism is a fallacy which has been repeated over centuries.  The Greeks, Romans, Huns, British, Chinese, French, and now the current big dog, “Americans” have all at one point or time been able to export their cultures from one way or another.  Either the passing of time, the power of conquests, or economic expansion, has allowed each great nation to spread their ideas and some argue “ideals” to other nations. 

However, here is where Mr. Apiahe takes a turn in his political philosophy.  He argues that each place has their own culturally, in each case, motivated adaptation of American products.  He starts his basis off with television programs watched around the world.  When researching each place’s interests in these American T.V. programs; Mr. Apiahe has come up with some illuminating cultural norms which each group has drawn from each episode.  People in Spain see program as having a specific lesson; whereas, Israeli women cultivate something completely different.  It is an interesting concept to argue that big American CEO’s want to brain wash people who cannot even agree on what that message is…

  Anyways, Mr. Apiahe’s lessons go much further into the psychological pieces of each thought.  Can a person really think that something is a part of their personal “culture” when half the time whatever the “cultural thing” maybe is probably not even a part of your actual culture’s history.  Well, how can that be?  That makes no sense; however, when you trace the trail of the past the truth becomes inextricably drawn to the vast trading of ancient times.  Some argue that Bagpipes where brought to Scotland by the Romans, that Ghana’s sacred garbs were brought from to Africa from the “silk road”, pizza was created out of Marco Polo’s failed attempt to teach people how to make Chinese dumplings, etc.  All of these thoughts and much more examples better help a “Cosmopolitan” think about how the world was, is, and might be…

My time warp has been applying some of these lessons to my own thoughts on the world.  I have come from a socio-economically middle class, “WASP”, and American back ground.  My education was first-rate, my family loves and supports me, and my future is bright.  My world views have been shaped primarily from this background which I cannot blame myself for.  All people have these same restrictions to their own realities.  I cannot never know how a vagabond feels, a priest, or farmer.  I can only hope to try and understand my own life which leads me to my wonderful deliberations which have come out of my greatly enhanced world view.  In only five short months I have learned more about myself, the world, and life than in my previous 23 years of life.  I can only think with extreme interest what new lessons, trials, and triumphs are around the corner as my journey continues!

My inspiration has come from continuing to keep my vows which I have created in respect to lessons I drew from Gandhi’s revelations on “truth”.  I have always thought that no one way is best at discovering “truth”.  I believe that all people have an innate desire to learn about truth.  I know that I always have in my own life.  In this way, I am trying to apply some of Gandhi’s experiments to enhance my own faith, life, beliefs about the world, etc.  I feel that a unique trait of Gandhi’s was his visceral love of humanity.  I can only hope to try and let his “fire” shine in my own life.  Every day I try to be as courteous, happy, and responsive with my Chinese friends / students / and of course Cory.

I also had the wonderful opportunity of sharing another amazing dinner with Mr. Tian, his wife, and Cory.  Afterwards, we all went to KTV and sang the night away.  It was so awesome to be able to hear Mrs. Tian sing.  She is a part of a local choir and has the ability to tie each note inextricably into a rhythm enmeshed with the essence of a traditional Chinese female voice!  What a treat!  Cory and I also enjoyed singing quite a few American songs.  Cory also has the wonderful skill of singing a couple of Chinese songs which dazzled all of the spectators!  A wonderful way to end a dynamite month of May!

I hope that all is well with all of you back home in America! 

Best     

Discovery learning from inward reflection and new twists in China!

This past week my mind occupied itself in reflections more than at any point of my time in China.  Three major things attributed to this mental state of being.  First, having a week without classes past Wednesday due to a high number of major tests for my students in their major classes certainly presented me with more time for deliberations.  Secondly, being bereft of my iPod for an extended amount of time has allowed me to really let my mind wander while running.  A parallel piece in this puzzle has to be my finishing of Gandhi’s experiments on “Truth” in his life autobiography.  I have become a very conscientious participant in some of his experiments and also a passive one throughout this incredible novel.  I am truly in awe with this man’s devotion to service or “seva” in Hinduism.

My initial thoughts revolved around a person’s discipline and the strengthening of my own personal faith life.  I was struck by Gandhi’s resolve to his morals throughout his life even when he was greatly tested.  Gandhi’s religious journey reminds me of someone who truly was willing to seek truth at every corner and thus expounded thoughts from both Islamic and Christian ideas as well.  The most central belief in Gandhi’s early religious life was his witnessing of his mother’s adherence to strict Vaishnava vows which she would keep at all costs.  In light of his families’ adherence to setting hard vows, such as fasting, Gandhi also compelled himself to remain loyal to his personal vows and experiments with “truth” in his own life.

Gandhi’s one true passion in life was to seva or “loving service”.  Gandhi felt great compassion for the needy, poor, untouchable, and out-casts of society.  He dedicated his public life to serving these people at all times and capacities.  Gandhi’s profession as a lawyer allowed him to treat cases which he felt compelled him to act in accordance with “truth”.  Thus, Gandhi made it known that he would not tolerate a false claim even by his own client.  He even went so far as to tell a judge one time that his client was guilty and should serve time in jail.  In his love for his clients Gandhi never charged any fees if he won or lost the case (he won many); however, he charged only a nominal sum for his services at the onset of the case.  Gandhi’s frugal lifestyle and belief in voluntary service compelled him to never take advantage of any of his clients.  His reputation preceding him, Gandhi always had a loyal group of people who helped him in his cases.

He also felt a great compassion for the care of sick, ill, and diseased people in the world.  The trauma of not being able to tend to his father during his last moments on his death-bed left an indelible mark on young Gandhi.  Gandhi volunteered in the Boer War, Zulu rebellion, and World War I as a medical assistant.  His pledge to ahimsha or “non-violence” alienated some of his colleagues by volunteering in any capacity in war; however, Gandhi’s logical explanation to even these rebukes developed him a strong relationship with British officials who helped him in his quest for Hind Sawarji or (Indian home rule).  I could go on and on about this remarkable individual, but I feel that I must stop this digression in a need for expediency with the rest of this blog.

I used my extra time to deliberate Gandhi, service, truth, and connections with these themes in my own life.  I am constantly struck by the many ways in which the mind attempts to play tricks with humans.  As soon as I attempted to make such experiments with removing ephemeral and frivolous things in my own life I felt a sense of longing for them.  However, as soon as these things are re-introduced into one’s mind they are relegated as normal and thus un-satisfying.  In such a way I am training my mind to learn how to give up some of the things I feel are getting in the way of truth in my own life. 

I enjoyed my walks, runs, and journaling regarding these topics.  I also thought about how my life’s occupation could influence service.  Do I still feel that I am able to serve selflessly for the sake of society, or do I have other machinations that are the real motivations behind my actions?  It is something that I felt was very worthy of introspective reflections.

I have also been improving my Chinese at a good rate lately.  I am actually able to communicate on some everyday things now like the weather, activities, observations, etc.  It is always fun for me on runs to stop and acknowledge some group of people in Chinese when I hear them talking about me in Chinese.  This really throws people for a loop and is a good chance for me to practice my Chinese.  All in all both groups are satisfied with these encounters.

I was joined by a couple high school students on the way back from a run the other day which was really exciting.  We talked in Chinese together as we ran which was pretty cool.  I also enjoyed several other conversations on this run which always make my day.  I am also greatly pleased to say “hi” or “hello” to someone after they acknowledge me in English.  Rather than think of these conversations as a deterrent to activity; I find that simply acknowledging people on my runs makes them all the more wonderful.  If I can make someone’s day by simply acknowledging them than I will gladly do it at every corner.

I look forward to recommencing classes this week.  Cory and I have had a lot of extra time; however, I feel that if I am getting paid to teach I would like to feel like I am earning my pay for a service that I am giving.  Nonetheless, I am enjoying every day as a fresh and independent experiment with truth as I continue to think about my own life while I enjoy myself in China!

I pray for those affected by the tornado in Minneapolis yesterday.  I hope all is well with everyone!

Erik

   

Accounting an anything but normal week in Rongchang

The last week has been the first time in China I can say things have started to feel routine for me.  I am aware that this is a big step in my experience here; however, in so many ways I am struck by the many wonderful surprises I have experienced since my last blog so as to make my experiences completely stand alone in China.  I had an awesome weekend catching up with the foreign teachers in Beibei.  Finishing the Brothers Karamazov has also allowed me some interesting reflection. I also experienced watching my first Tai-Chi class in Rongchang.  Along one of my late night walks I was met with multiple questions that I could not have prepared for answering beforehand in Chinese.  Further, my iPod finally perished, and I was allowed for the first time on my runs here in China to experience a whole new wealth of stimuli.  This has really elevated the level of my perception and observation to an all time high here in China which is quite interesting for me.  It seems that adding new stimulus into the mind always piques the brain’s interest level.

First of all, the trip last weekend to Beibei really captivated my excitement from its inception.  I had not been to Beibei since I arrived in late February, and I was interested in seeing how the campus looked now a few months later.  I was fortunate enough to have packed my running gear so as to be able to take a couple early morning jaunts around campus.  The foreign teacher’s apartments where nearby so it was not be a great distance to travel.

Meeting and talking with the other foreign teachers was fun as well.  Most of the group is moving on next year to other jobs.  Two plan on teaching a third year in China but at a different institution; whereas, many of the recent college graduates from CSBSJU are thinking of teaching of going back to America to find a job.

The end of Dostoevsky’s novel summoned a great interest in me for reflection.  For the past week I spent multiple hours each day reading this novel.  I was struck by the three different levels of the story.  In the first level you have the ebb and flow of a classic epic drama.  The second level encapsulates the dramatic psychological analysis of people, decision making, and interactions between one another.  The third level is the most interesting piece for me though due to the over arching societal implications it has.  Dostoevsky’s analysis of differing major schools of thought at the time in the world (mostly European) dictated flawlessly into prose is a true work of art.  His character analysis of existentialism, realism, religion, atheism, socialism, etc illuminates the reader to the scholarship of the time.  The ending was a little sad for me knowing that he never was able to write a sequel to the novel.  I spent some time researching him personally, existentialism, and other ideas due to his works which help to illuminate more ideas as well for me.

Watching my first Tai-Chi class was truly riveting for me.  During one of my late night walks I saw on top of what looked to be a large balcony alongside the river several people beginning a weekly Tai-Chi class exercise.  Having never before watched an entire Tai-Chi performance I decided that I was going to take a break from my walk and watch.  I was struck by the beauty, balance, power, flexibility, and agility of the athletes.  Overall, the performer’s almost perfect synchronization to the music was inspiring of awe.  I also enjoyed the different pieces of equipment which were utilized by the performers during their exercise.  Swords and fans were added to the performance which added to my awe and the beauty of it.

Unknowingly, along this same walk I was about to be ambushed with questions from well wishing Chinese.  I guess my evening was doomed to distraction, or as I like to think was fortunate enough to experience the many diversions of living in a foreign country.  I greatly enjoyed my ambushing and would have had it no other way.  To this effect, I 90% of the time embrace diversions of any sort in China.  I find that the variability of such diversions makes them all the more interesting, challenging, and worth-while.

Upon reaching my destination I began to reflect things on my two different journals.  As I was just finishing my thoughts on my time on The Brothers Karamazov I noticed that a Chinese man was standing no more than two feet from me intently staring at my writing.  I have become accustomed to this and usually take no notice of it anymore.  However, five minutes later the same man was back again looking as if he was quite interested in talking with me.  By this point my Chinese is getting better but nowhere functional enough to say very much.  I can tell people what I do, where I’m from, how tall I am, how old I am, what I teach, and after that it gets kind of dicey so to speak. 

On this occasion I was thrown a wild card in the form of an unlikely translator.  A woman in her mid forties came up and started talking in pretty good English to me.  I was quite taken aback and realized that I had experienced another time when it can be dangerous to judge a book by its cover here in China.  Through her, writing (I had my journals and pencils available), a little Chinese, body language, and luck (I always like this one) we were able to communicate a little bit for the next hour or so.  Several different groups came up and tried taking with me.  Most are all younger in age; whereas, the older people just talk to themselves in Chinese about me.  In either event I am always happy to try and communicate with each and every person here in China.  On a quick digression note, I also love saying hello to all of the children I see.  There genuine curiosity and demure nature around me makes it all the more heart-warming to see them build up the confidence to say hello back to me.  In this way, I always try and do the right thing by exporting good cultural exchanges.

The death of my past iPod has been a mixed bag for me.  At times I am still very sad to see it go; however, I am also quite pleased with the increased level of my attentiveness to my surroundings.  The loss of music has allowed me to witness things in such a new light that it feels in some ways as if I have just for the first time been to Rongchang.  The added stimulus has made my runs reinvigorating and fresh as well.  Listening to my body while I am running has added to the natural feeling of my experience.  In a month I will be able to get a new iPod while in Seoul, South Korea.  I know that I will not have to worry about spending too much time without my iPod if I do not want to; however, I may decide that it is better to not always be “plugged” in as well in the future.  Wishing everyone the best from China!

Erik         

  

              

Reflection, Strength, and Chongqing Weekend

My mind is alternating between varieties of interesting alternatives to write about.  I have quite a bit of interesting ideas regarding my recent revelations regarding Dostoevsky and Thoreau.  I also have to spend a little time recounting the unbelievable time Cory and I had last weekend in Chongqing.  I feel that whenever I have a moment in which my students’ prove to me their incredible strength of will it is important to share as well.  Of course, there are a couple of other important events which have occurred in the world since my last blog.  My ideas regarding the O. B. Laden death I will cover in short because I am at this point unable to reflect greatly on it.  I am also going to give a quick shout out to all of the friends and families getting ready to celebrate Mother’s Day.  I have to give special thanks for my own mother who has always been a source for light in my life!  Love you Mom and wish I could be there to celebrate with you!

First off, my recent ideas regarding F.D. and H.D.T.  I was interested in an idea regarding Dostoevsky’s exposition for a utopian society.  Dostoevsky believed greatly in the power of redemption within a Christian God.  He believed that the whole society should function within a unitary state sponsored religion.  This Unitarian religion would work as the arm of the state in all matters both secular and religious.  Dostoevsky was extremely concerned with crime and the punishments which were too heavily levied against his fellow countrymen.  In his greater search for understanding he believed that only through the rectitude of a Christian judge and jury could his countrymen face equal punishment, acquittal, redemption, etc. 

Now, the practicality of such a system in the world today is obviously less exclusive than it was at that time.  Dostoevsky is writing in a time where Russia was strongly a Christian faith based society as a whole.  In the world today, such a system would be deemed an extremely archaic form of jurisprudence to say the least due to the large number of faiths and beliefs today.

Thoreau also was writing during this same time period in America.  His stark criticisms of the government, laws, criminal treatment, environment, etc all reflect a similar desire for greater understanding and reflection.  Regarding crime and punishment these two great thinkers have the same major question in mind; “How best to judge a criminal in society”?  Both thinkers believe that only through the unbiased judgment of one’s heart will people actually best be able to judge their actions.  In this way, F. D. argues for a unitary state; whereas, Thoreau does not offer an expository answer to the problem.  Rather, he muddles around the inefficiencies and problems of the system within America.  I do not know what I feel at large about these ideas yet.  However, I feel that it is very interesting that both writers were so gravely concerned with the efficacy of the less fortunate.

Now, to the fun stuff!  Cory and I were very excited to spend last weekend in Chongqing.  Being that it was only my second time in the city I was really pumped to take a break.  The weather was swelteringly hot for our first two days.  Unfortunately, our hostel did a terrible job of over booking this holiday weekend.  Nonetheless, Cory and I were able to book a hotel with the help of some of Chinese friends.  Overall, the process was extremely arduous due to the amount of paperwork in which was needed to fill out by the hotel verifying our Chinese residence permits.  The patience of our Chinese friends was tremendous as they helped the hotel attendants fill out the forms in their entirety.

Cory and I spent time at all of the city’s major tourist attractions frequented often by foreigners.  We enjoyed walking around, going out late, running, the western food, etc.  In all we did some serious spending of Chinese Yuan.  Our living expenses in Rongchang are so small that we both felt that it was okay for us to splurge a little bit.  The weekend was capped off with a nice bus ride back with one of our Chinese friends who spent the May (International Labor Day) holiday in Chongqing as well.

When Cory and I came back on Monday we were met with the incredible news of O. B. Laden’s final demise.  Being not able to understand all of the details yet I will not comment at length regarding this event.  All I want to say is that whenever something happens it is important not to judge any conclusions which relate to the future.  Looking into the crystal ball and trying to discover what will happen is a natural human weakness and should be made only with extreme caution in mind.  I can only hope that something good can come of the demise of a mad man hell-bent on the destruction of innocent civilians in his quest for a global “lesser” Jihad.

I deviated from my prescribed introduction a little in order to underline the importance of the last point I was going to write about.  Due to the recent global news Cory and I thought that it was essential that we spend our classes out discussing about O.B. Laden and 9/11.

Following a brief introduction regarding the events Cory and I made sure that we spent time discussing the great impact that this event had had on our own personal lives.  We followed up this question by having our students (we joined both of our classes together during this period) write about something big in their own lives.  We prefaced our discussion by elucidating the fact that the event could be anything and did not have to be personal in nature.  Cory and I even went as far to say that if someone wanted to share something that was personal that the students needed to remember the power of respecting each other’s dignity.  Regardless of this opening I had no idea what was about to be shared this night. 

I was lifted up by the incredible strength of many of my students describing the horrific events of the 2008 Sichuan province earthquake.  In great detail a couple of my students described the terror in which they felt during this terrible disaster.  In reality, their strength really encouraged me about the trust my students had in our positive classroom sharing environment.  I initial was a little uncomfortable at the length in which my students shared about these details.  Not for any time constrains or even personal uneasiness.  Rather, I was actually feeling their pain consciously as our students struggled reading their notes at times regarding the earthquake. 

The emotions were palpable to Cory and I who usually comment at length about the details of our students.  On this night, we both kept quiet which gave the evening a somber ending.  All I and Cory could do after their presentations was to try and console them to the fact that they were very brave for sharing in front of the class.  All in all, I was extremely proud of my student’s strength this evening and always encouraged by their discipline!

This weekend Cory and I will be heading back to Beibei (the major Southwest University Campus).  I am very excited to relive some of my first memories of being in China again.  Cory and I will also be meeting up with many of the foreigners in the area.  Some of which I have only seen but once before.  Wishing everyone a happy and festive Mother’s Day back in America! 

Best,

E.K.

   

  

It started out as an ordinary week until...

It started out as a typical week in China until everything changed.  My realization that something important was happening did not come about until several days later.  Only now am I able to fully appreciate the entire influence of my last week’s work.  My changes were palpable in my emotions and reactions to things around me.  My excitement came from my recommitment to discovery learning, larger social problems, universal ideals, humanity, etc.

Manifestly my changes started out slowly at first.  I ostensibly started taking late night walks after class to practice my Chinese; however, I had greater questions in mind.  I had been thinking an awful lot lately about the plight of humanity.  After careful reflection the trigger points for my writing came from the gravity of social problems at hand, a discussion with a Chinese student, and listening to a program on NPR on exporting American technologies abroad.  The first point seems to be from a general brooding of mine for the discovery of “truth”.  Now for a little digression on why I have been so interested in discovery truth.  

 I have been reading Gandhi’s autobiography and the “Brothers Kazaramov” which both deal with similar subject matter.  It is interesting to see how the two different works both reflect a basic need to understand humanity and our place within the universe.  Overall, I was struck by a line I will paraphrase from Dostoevsky: “The more I love humanity the more I despise people”.

Needless to say this thought struck me as being an odd one at first.  However, after thinking about it and reading further I was definitely intrigued by it.  Dostoevsky also uses a lot of foils in his stories for good and evil and references biblical ideals often.  This novel is terribly interesting to me in my search for greater purpose, understanding, etc. 

Gandhi’s work deals a lot with his greater search for understanding across cultural, social, ethical, and religious grounds.  Gandhi’s life is a remarkable story of staying true to himself.  His pursuit of justice, truth, and the greater good is truly astounding.

These two works have really been the sources for my thinking lately here in China.  I am truly fortunate to have stumbled on both of them and feel that I am growing as an individual by trying to take their lessons to heart.

The essence of my frustration seems to be in the underlying ideals of these works.  Can I really have the strength of personal discipline of a M. G?  Or I am able to master the religious discipline of the pious Father Zossima from the Dostoevsky?  In either case, I have been questioning myself and my actions lately.  This negativity lead me to my break through which has been a source of hope for me!

My epiphany came to me while on one of these two hour walks last week.  I often would stop to jot down my thoughts on different ideas in one of my journals.  One such idea was my universal anger at cultural relativism.  I was upset at some of the negativity that is drawn from sources of difference within societies.  “Why do they do …. so and so.”  In any case, I felt that it was a weak way of passing judgment on someone else who we often know so little about, but carry the same human faults that we posses.   

I was also upset at the basis for all judgment questions.  There seems to be an underlying need to feel superior at the expense of another human being.  This innate disposition for some people is so common place that the perpetrator becomes completely unable to see the world from someone else’s perspective.  In fact, they are so blinded by their own self-righteousness that they forget the essence of humanity, the blessings of this earth, etc.  They live in a world cut-off from reality and are; therefore, lost to reality.  Only through greater reflection are people able to realize that in reality we are all the same.  We have the same daily needs.  We are attracted to the same ephemeral desires.  We are all social creatures.  We all count of the earth for survival.  It is my hope, dream, and purpose to try and find ways to bring about greater connection between peoples to strengthen our bounds together.

Ideas about superiority have so many flaws in them that it should be in vogue to realize our similarities at this point in human history.  Biology has found that human beings are the closet relatives among creation.  Religious works from all major religions tell us to honor all of creation.  Universal human rights are pushing us all in that same direction.  What more does a person need to hear to believe that all such differences are created out of superiority, fear, ignorance, arrogance, etc?   

Reading Dostoevsky helped me come to this epiphany.  Truly I felt a sense of purpose by his hope that universal love and happiness was close at hand!  Nearly a century and a half later we have made some impressive leaps forward in some areas.  However, in others we are no closer to reaching these lofty goals.  Inasmuch I was stricken by the need to try and continue to carry the flame of justice, love, and truth to our fellow human being and all of creation!

The next great piece of discovery came for me when talking with a Chinese student at a local pudding store.  This student confessed to me a feeling that America was the greatest hope for improving the world.  He expressed his want for universal human rights, the betterment of all, etc. 

I walked a middle road as to any show of my true feelings.  In most matters in China I still try and conceal my true feelings as a mode of self-preservation.  In reality, I know that I am very safe here; however, I would never jeopardize my freedom by trying to say more than is appropriate.  In any event, I was struck by this student’s interest in universal human rights and admired his passion.

I was also moved by an interview I heard on NPR last week regarding American business exporting technology and investment into needy foreign countries.  Obviously, the catch is that the business needs to make money as a mode of promoting future foreign investments.  Nonetheless, the ideals struck me as being a strong indicator of what future American investments can do for third world countries.  By increasing the viability of resources for the sick and starving American can truly transform its world image.

I feel that American business is a wonderful trigger point for such projects.  Natural resources are a need for everyone.  Without them people cannot survive.  If American companies are able to continue to use research and design to come up with future altruistic projects the world will be a better place.  These projects can revolutionize the way that people get and receive resources.  These resources will be not only be serving the people but helping fund the world’s economy.  It seems like a win-win solution to me.  In this way, I support any political policy which pushes for increased funding for research into better designs.  These jobs could be the staple of a new work force that could reinvigorate America’s stalling economy.  The next piece, foreign investments, could help build a new feature of the American economy, promote universal ideals, etc.  These two different sectors could work together to revolutionize future business.  It could help change the view that America is only looking for an easy buck abroad and improve the image of tainted foreign investment companies like Halliburton.

I believe that there is still a long way to go for America to reach such a lofty set of ideals.  Fighting the forces of bigotry, isolationism, arrogance, etc all stand in the way of truth.  Almost two- hundred years ago Dostoevsky dreamed of Russia making such a great leap forward.  The following Russian revolution did not result in the spreading of universal ideals.  However, I feel that there is much to rejoice for in these pursuits and will continue thinking about them at length.

Happy Easter and blessings to all,

Erik