Brevity may be the soul of wit but it is surely not the soul of my pen!

Part I: Family!

It seems like an eternity since I posted last.  I believe that the enormity of events which has passed in this time encapsulates many of humanities strongest emotions: love, family, friends, and fear.  With so much passing in such a short time it will be a challenge to keep the events to a minimum and in brevity.  I will do my best to proceed accordingly in a sequence of five major themes which do not follow in chronological order.  I am sorry for those who have trouble sometimes following my abstract random thinking process.

I became very excited towards the end of summer as my long awaited reunion with my parents drew near.  I realized that it was going to be an incredible reunion even though it had only been six months.  After being separated from each other for the longest times in our lives I knew that it would be an emotional experience.  Upon seeing my parents for the first time in the Beijing Marriott my heart started beating quickly as we meet for that first time together.  Seeing them safe and sound really made things easier for me and allowed myself to relax. 

Experiencing one another at the physical level was a little strange at first.  Having a relationship exclusively through a computer for six months tends to become quite impersonal.  Seeing reactions and experiencing things together as a family was quite pleasant and not trivial.  Strangely enough near the end of the two weeks I started to become a little hesitant to want to communicate with them.  Not for a lack of wanting.   The imminence of nine months away from one another would be extremely tough on both of us.  I found it emotionally very stressful saying goodbye at the end.  Strangely enough saying goodbye to loved ones never does get easy.  I actually felt that it might have been harder the second time knowing how long it would be until I saw them again.  The naivety of not knowing what a long separation would feel like made our first goodbyes seem trivial at the time for me.

In any event we had a great last day together in Shanghai.  Being that I had just been in Shanghai two months ago I knew the areas of the city we were visiting pretty well.  Having our tour guides accommodate a free day in Shanghai was the optimal location for me.  Due to their flight being delayed at the Shanghai airport I was able to say goodbye over that period of time which was easier than having to do it in a rush or in the prescience of the group.

With all of that fear of the unforeseen also came great hope and light for the future.  Being that my Chinese mandarin has improved greatly in the last few months I am able to have a lot more communication with the locals in town.  Now that I have Cory back with me from America I have my Minnesota connection back again.  Having a lot of new friends in Rongchang makes everything a wonderful experience.  Most of all I will finally start teaching again.  Gearing up for this semester is getting me excited again to teach.

Part II: Zhong Gou jia qi!

The vacation itself was amazing.  I really loved every place we went including Shanghai for the second time.  I was fortunate enough to be able to meet some interesting and wonderful people on the way from Beijing to Shanghai.  Our main group tour guide, Lynn, did an absolutely amazing job of aiding the American tourists the entire trip.  Having a friendly, energetic, and English fluent tour guide truly is an added bonus.  The hotels, food, and service included were all five stars in my book!  I have never stayed in nicer hotels and been treated like a king before.

At each location our tour group also had a local expert guide in the areas we would be traveling.  Jack, Connie, Sue, and Suzie May all did excellent jobs.  I felt that the whole experience was unbelievable from the standpoint of service.  The only low point for most of our group was our hotel in Yangshuo.  Besides this point everyone was overall pretty happy I thought.  Our last tour guide also had some anachronisms in her facts, but all in all a tour service I would recommend to my friends.

I cannot exactly say a favorite place or thing I did.  I would say that I would rank Beijing as my number one, Guilin; two, Shanghai; three, and Xi’an four.  The only reason why Shanghai is ahead of Xi’an is because we also went to Suzhou and Tongli while in Shanghai which I really enjoyed.

The majesty and power of Beijing is clearly present with the CPC’s presence and splendor.  The scale of the Gu Gong (Forbidden City) really left an impression on me after seeing South Korea’s counterpart which seemed almost a miniature fit to scale.  One of my highlights of the entire tour was climbing the Chang Cheng (Great Wall) with my parents.  My Dad and I basically went up as high as we could in the time which the tour allotted for us.  Seeing the wall stretch for miles as far as the eye can see leaves one with a sense of the infinite continuity of its design.

Guilin strikes me as landscape not of this Earth.  It is completely apropos to say that the Chinese are correct in saying that Guilin is the most beautiful place on the Earth.  Reaching the top of the Yao village presented our group with an incredible view of the mountain terraced landscape.  Another highlight of the entire tour for me was the Li River boat cruise.  It truly was an hour of constant picture taking.  I almost did not want to go down for lunch as I rested alone on top of our boat starring at the magnificent view of Guilin’s Karst topography. 

I enjoyed Shanghai better than in June.  I assume that it is because I had become a much more seasoned traveler in China at that point.  It also did not hurt that our less than one year old Sheraton hotel was probably the nicest I have ever stayed in.  Having the opportunity to cruise on river Gondolas down the quiet and tranquil Tongli river town allowed for peaceful repose.  I also enjoyed Suzhou’s silk factory along with the Ming and Qing dynasty gardens we visited.

Shanghai itself was exactly how I remembered it except this time I knew more from experience.  Being able to bargain in the Yu Garden bazaar was an interesting experience.  By this time Dad and I had a couple of strategies which were working very well.  First, always walk away from the street vendor after they give you a price.  They always lower it.  Next, have a real price in mind before you go.  Know the conversion rate and use that to establish what you think is reasonable.  Third, knowing Chinese is a nice tool to have.  I learned not to come out and start with Chinese because they will take advantage of your language ignorance.  Using Chinese is a situational weapon because if you hear them offer a local Chinese a lower price you can call them out on it.  I did this a couple of times and they quickly lowered their first prices.

The only reason that I placed Xi’an lowest was because I was not as impressed with the Terra Cotta soldier exhibit as I thought I was going to be.  The scale, size, and design are completely amazing; however, the exhibit does not allow for one to really view them on the personal level.  I like climbing the Great Wall and hiking up the Yao villages better.  I enjoy activity and scenery much more I guess.  Overall, I really did enjoy the Bell and Drum towers along with the Muslim mosque we went to though.  The synthesis of Islam and Chinese artwork really was quite interesting to see.

Overall I had a great time but there remain some frustrating question marks for me as well.  First, I had trouble going from living in China to having the “foreign” treatment in China.  This encapsulates in my mind several things.  First, the experience of a “foreigner” in China is much different than living in China every day.  I realize that being able to do this is impossible with only a two week tour.  Nonetheless, it is sometimes frustrating to think that many foreigners will come to China and think that they understand China now after such a short period of time. 

In my opinion that is one of the reasons why people around the world do not like some Americans.  Some Americans will come home and say to their friends, “I can’t believe what these so and so people do”, “they are so ____ fill in the blank”.  The truth is that no foreigner can ever truly understand China or any other place for that matter in two weeks.  To actually be able to understand China you must yourself be Chinese.  Even after being here six months I know that I will never understand what it feels like to be Chinese.  I would never attempt to tell someone that I “know China”, or “understand this or that about China”.  It would similar if a Chinese person came to America and said to their friends: “Ni ji dao Mei Guo da xuexeng wanr de cai xingqisi.  Zhen qi guai?”  and made some kind of a comment to the fact.

The one nice thing also about experience is that many in our group will probably go back and talk about all of the great things that we did on the tour.  They will promote better understanding in their own lives by knowing that China is a very complex place with lots of aspects to it just like America is.  Overall many will even recommend a trip to China to their friends.  Greater experience comes from greater understanding.  With understanding come equitable solutions for the future and a brighter tomorrow for all of us.

Secondly, I had a little trouble dealing with what I thought was a little excessive pejorative and degrading statement regarding translation troubles from our guides.  Yes, they have trouble saying the letter “L”, but that does not give a person the right to make fun of it.  If I could tell you how many times I have screwed up communicating in China I would need to write an entire book.  Quite honestly I have never had one of my Chinese friends make a joke of me to my face regarding my poor translation.  I spent two weeks with thirteen Americans and heard several comments of that nature.

The positive with this experience is that people will also come back with greater appreciation for how difficult it is to speak the Chinese language.  It clearly is a double flip of the coin here as well with the “foreign” treatment.  Some of the people on the trip were even trying to learn more about the culture as well.  Together each thing offsets the other to complete a whole experience which develops better bounds between people.

The last sad observation which I made is regarded to cultural egocentrism.  If I could have received a quarter for the number of times I heard people in our group make comments regarding how China was wrong on something I could have a good amount of yuan to spend (6.4 yuan to one U.S. dollar)!  I know that China has quite a few issues to deal with but guess what so does America.  Making comments to the group about those kinds of comments are unbecoming to a culture that values respect and keeping your ideas to yourself.  Those are the kind of ideas that are probably best left unsaid.

I talked with the tour guides regarding what kind of things they had learned from Americans in the course of their careers.  One of the things echoed by several of the tour guides was that Americans are all very different and have quite interesting experiences, backgrounds, and opinions.  It really echoes my experience in China as well.  The lives of the farmers and people from Beijing and Shanghai are quite different.  The experiences and perspectives of each group truly reflect their personal situations in life.

Part III: Cory’s back, hui jia Rongchang!

Getting back to Chongqing and greeting Cory for the first time in two months was great.  Being able to have a friend back who really relates with me is extremely beneficial being half way around the world.  As we got back to Rongchang that night we talked about all of our experiences.  Clearly both of us had great summer breaks.  Looking forward we started to discuss our future plans which have opened us both up to some interesting options.  Being that we are both in China until next year we had previously thought that we would want to teach the following year in South Korea.  As time has passed neither of us are exactly certain as to what road we will choose next.  We discussed teaching in China and possibly remaining in Rongchang as well.  Overall, we both want to play it by ear and see how things are progressing as the year moves forward.  Seeing that I have improved my Chinese is also driving me towards possibly staying longer in China.  I feel that it would be such a great tool to have in life and am having fun learning and using it as well.

Part IV: Danger came when it was least expected; Xiao xin!

Yesterday started off as any normal day for me.  It would be a normal day in the sense that I was going to go on a run.  As I got near the end of my nine mile run something strange happened.  I became quite slow and almost considered stopping.  Now, I have run this route very often and even during times of greater heat so I thought nothing of it.  Finally, I had to stop near the end which struck me as very weird.  When I got back I immediately started hydrating.  Knowing that I was a little less hydrated than normal did not enter into my mind.  Usually I spend all night hydrating when I run in the morning but did not this time.  Maybe I chose not to hydrate while Cory was sleeping in the room too in order to not wake him.  Maybe it was because I was used to running inside for the past two weeks in air conditioning and I forgot to remember that I really needed to pre hydrate in the Chongqing heat.  In any event, after my run I went about working on my daily plans without thinking much of it.

I took not that I was unable to urinate after several drinks of water and gatorade.  Still I went about cleaning, organizing, and un-packing from my trip.  I was upset because my place looked like a pig sty last night.  Cory had to sleep on my futon because he was with a sufficient power supply at his apartment.  All of a sudden I started feeling really disoriented.  I soon realized I must be having a migraine.  I took two Excedrin migraine headache pills and continued hydrating.  As things were getting worse quickly I realized that I had not eaten anything but an apple that morning and quickly grabbed some small snacks to try and help my stomach.  I was not hungry but I realized that things were deteriorating quickly so I tried everything I could think of. 

I finally caved in and put on the air conditioning in my apartment.  With day time temperatures into the one-hundred’s I have still managed to keep my air conditioner off during day time hours in an effort to conserve energy.  As things got worse and worse I realized that I might have suffered some kind of heat related illness.  I was surprised that I was not feeling any sensation in my body as I took a cold shower in an effort to cool down.  Finally, I resorted to putting ice bags on my head and around my neck to do what I could to help.  I soon became delirious and unable to think at all.  My thoughts went strangely between some kind of alternative reality and my current condition. 

I literally thought that I was having an outer body experience.  As things got to the point of completely exhaustion I started to panic.  Shock took over me as I called Cory to my aid.  Thankfully he was there to answer my call.  I am very lucky to have such a great friend who could calm me down and talk me through what was going on.  I was completely lost to what was happening and his guidance was a gift to my weak constitution.

Two days later I am very thankful that I am completely feeling normal and have no further complication from this terrible ordeal.  It is always a gift in life to be able to see how fortunate we are when things are going well.  I know now that I cannot underestimate the power of the Chongqing summer.  I know now that I will always need to be on my guard when training in the heat.  Even with drinking all of the water I do a couple of weeks off of my routine completely through my system off.  Not to mention lack of regular sleep hours, stress, and a cold on my vacation.  Altogether the body is the sum of all parts.  Losing a bunch of small functions is usually less obvious than having one big issue arise at once.  In the case of my heat exhaustion the sum of all parts ended in a much larger catastrophe that could have been prevented.

Part V: Future

Being able to teach again will be something that I am extremely looking forward to.  It has been a long and eventful summer break.  I was able to have great travels, improve my Chinese, meet new friends, enjoy my independence, and re unite with my family.  All in all it was my favorite summer of my life.  With this in my past I am even more certain that this next semester is going to be much better than my first.  Nothing substitutes the lessons learned from genuine experience.  Talking with Cory about are ideas for the future reinvigorated my passion for teaching.

Cory and I are excited to welcome a new American teacher from the Peace Corps.  Allie from Pennsylvania will be adding to our cohort new ideas and background experience.  Judging from our brief encounters I believe that the group will work well together in the future.  I am hoping for the best for all of those in Minnesota as you gear up for a wonderful transition into a beautiful fall season!

Erik

 

                   

                   

A life pausing discovery, great friendships, and future travels!

My last two weeks signified a great awakening in my spirit.  I had put a lot of stock in gaining as much intellect as I could during my time in China.  I believed that reading and writing were two areas which idealized intellectual curiosity and creativity.  I also wanted to take advantage of the unique experiences of learning a different language in a foreign country.  I knew that this was my single greatest opportunity to learn about Chinese cultural as well.  High physical athletic attainment always was something that has always been paramount in my life.  Training my body and mind for the Chongqing marathon helped me fill that void.  However in all my wisdom I had seemed to miss out on the single greatest element of experience itself.   That I neglected to put a great emphasis on was the human factor and wonders of personal experience with local Chinese is something that might seem shocking to some people reading this blog.  I would remind all readers to realize how strange the motivations of others can seem from afar.  After truly discovering my motivations I realize now that is partially why I came so lassiez-faire to China in the first place.  I knew that whatever happened with my experiences it would be fine because I was going to accomplish my goals.  For those of you who question my motivations I offer a word of caution.  First, try your best to understand your own motivations for doing anyone thing.  After you have decided on what that thing is think about it for a while and then try and look through your motivations from someone else’s perspective.  It is always easier for someone else to point a finger than to try and really understand that other point of view. 

Besides this pragmatic element of thinking, I also did truly believe that all people are much more similar and relatable than many think.  Meeting so many great people and learning from them has been something that I would never have imagined was going to be what left the greatest mark on my life and time in China.  Looking back many years from now I will not remember all of the running, reading, and writing that I did.  Sure, it will all make an important impact on my future and are pursuits which I enjoy greatly in my free time.  What I will remember is the kindness of my friends, the excitement of my students, the walks, the dinners, and the greatness of freedom.  One cannot measure such a thing as freedom in the mind of a young person.  The free soul is able to discover so much about oneself, world, and meaning in life. 

Living in my world which placed such an emphasis on reaching goals and targets; I almost forgot to open myself up to the wonders of everyday experience.  I had spent a vast amount of time this summer living strangely like a hermit if I was not training for the marathon outside or playing basketball.  I was getting up late and staying up even later.  I tended to blow people off regarding doing other activities than what would meet my “tight” personal schedule based off of my goals.  Missing a day of writing, reading, or running was not an option for me that I would have considered.  Later, I started to become exceedingly depressed with the lack of meaningful social interaction I was having each day.  I avoided eating my meals outside.  I tended to be a reclusive misanthrope who enjoyed doing everything on a strange schedule just because I had found pleasure knowing that I was doing whatever I wanted to do.  I was selfish beyond all recall and shut off people in my egocentric world.  Sadly this type of behavior is not a new phenomenon in my life.  Being driven to success at such a price is a thing in which I have struggled with mightily in my life.  The last few days I have modified my schedule to be back within the realm of society and I have found that I am again having meaningful experiences.

My second night at this new preferable schedule found myself faced with one of my greatest challenges I have experienced in my life.  People who have not experienced the frustrations of failed communication in a foreign country can never appreciate how priceless clear communication can be.  I know that I certainly did not before coming to China.  As I prepared to go to dinner I took with me my normal carefree manner which has helped keep me balanced in China.  As I went to sit down for dinner twenty or thirty people fixed their gaze in my direction.  Due to the large crowd I know that I was going to be forced to sit with others.  At this very moment of partial terror something unexpected happened.

  Two older gentlemen flagged me over to their table.  As I sat down they started firing away some questions at a normal pace Chinese pace.  The next few minutes an even greater surprise hit me as I started to actually communicate with them better than I ever had before.  It was one of those unique moments when I realized that even though each party in the conversation was unable to comprehend the other perfectly miracles can happen any day.  One or two times things became un-comprehensible for me as I tried my best to understand.  Even with these challenges I had great happiness at being able to get past some questions that would have tripped me up in the past.  I can really thank my improvements on two people: Maggie, and Emma.  Both of these great friends enjoy going on walks which allow me to practice my Chinese as they work on their English.  I have a special place in my heart for Emma as she helped me rediscover how wonderful human experience is.

Maggie’s summer holiday to Tibet kept me with only Emma to have meaningful conversation with beyond the rudimentary level of English.  As most of my friends have left over summer vacation for their home towns I soon kept less social engagements.  Fortunately, a teaching opportunity fell into my lap as I was lucky to have been the only foreigner who speaks English in Rongchang at the time.  Little did I know that I was going to meet a truly special group of Chinese-English teachers who would change my experience in China.  I was offered to teach one class for elementary, middle, and high school students.  As I entered in ready to teach I was struck by the fluency of English from some of my fellow colleagues.  When I finished teaching my day of classes I decided to avoid lunch with the foreign teachers.  Better to keep to my own very important schedule of goal reaching.  I feel ashamed to say that I did this and had been doing it somewhat repeatedly this summer.  I often justified it through my pragmatic argument that no one really could understand how much my serious goals meant to me personally.  In avoiding some opportunities I relied on a coy nature of elusiveness which usually kept me at an arm’s length from making commitments.  Besides, I thought why should I continue to be the object of everyone’s affection?  By this point I was becoming annoyed with my “rock star” attention which I was getting.  I grew a great desire to have this wrongly elevated attention cast off me like Prometheus had desired while burdened with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

I used these excuses and more to mentally justify my solitude.  Personality changes resulting from this neglectful state of being altered my entire life.  I no longer wanted to say “hi” or “hello” to my fellow Chinese hosts anymore.  The ticking time bomb of depression exploded finally due to the exacerbated effects of all of these elements.  I spent several days alone in my house unable to find the motivation to leave.  I did not want to work out and decided to fill that empty time slot with a constant amount of entertainment.  As my mental depression spread to physical depression I entered a strange phase in my life which, sadly, is neither the first time I have over worked myself to fulfill personal goals.  Prolonged sadness over periods of time is truly the greatest ailment a person can endure causing both mental and physical paralysis.  As I hoped to somehow “entertain” away my sadness I received a call from a friend regarding some business we had previously discussed.  After avoiding answering his call for several hours I decided that I would put on a good face and speak with him.  Afterwards something I did not intend happened which changed my existence.  I started to feel better.  Not better from any resolution of our conversation but mentally happier just by speaking with a friend.  When I realized this I picked up my phone and dialed Emma. 

Over the next two weeks I would get to know Emma through a series of encounters.  We enjoyed walks together in which conversation would freely between different topics and ideas.  I really appreciated her sincere desire to be a great friend for me in this time of personal and mental challenges.  Once I began to get to know her better I grew a great respect for her sincere kindness.  I rarely have meet people who have as sincere of a heart as Emma.  We connected on a myriad of topics and ideas.  Our conversations added a new perspective to how I view Chinese youth.  Having a background in Chongqing definitely made an impact on her educational upbringing.  Emma clearly had an intellectual curiosity about herself which is less frequent in Rongchang.

 I enjoyed spending time with the entire group of Chinese-English teachers.  I will make a quick digression on summer vacation in China.  Frankly, students in China do not have one.  As they finish their regular year’s worth of studies almost all enroll in summer school where they go to school five days a week for six hours a day.  I believe that their level of personal stress, competition, and academic rigor is at a level where most American students cannot appreciate.

This week of summer vacation was my happiest time spent over my holiday up until this point.  I enjoyed playing games and meals with my Chinese friends.  I was struck by their ability for thorough class preparation.  Emma was very strong in her English and knew the materials quite well; therefore, she was free most nights for walks.  Her other colleagues were not as fortunate as they spent several hours each night preparing for the next day’s classes.  Even with these limitations they found a couple hours for fun at night.  I improved my Chinese greatly over this month spent with these amiable Chinese teachers.  I really appreciated all of the good memories as I look forward to all of the new great ones coming up when my parents come and visit me in China. 

My parent’s preparations for China are in full-swing at this point.  I felt great satisfaction by being able to help my parents in the way that I was by others as I embarked on my journey to China.  After answering some questions for them I realized that I was starting to become insightful on China and Chinese culture.  Afterwards, I started to think back on the time I had already spent in China and became amazed with how fast time has progressed.  In less than two weeks I will have already been in China for six months.  As I think back to my last departure from Minnesota my greatest feeling of separation has come from the people that I love. The lessons that I needed to re-learn from Emma and her colleagues about the beauty of human interactions made me re-evaluate many of my tight goals and schedules that I like to keep in life.  I was also thrown a life line by my father’s timely advice to remove great blame in life.  I had lived so long blaming myself for so many things without consciously picking up on it that the gravity of this advice did not even strike me as landmark.  However, as I started to reflect and used this advice to really change my outlook I soon realized the gravity of the advice.  My father’s timely advice helped to change the way in which I reflected on my personal experiences which is something that I have done a lot while in China.  Combined with the lessons that I learned from Emma and her colleagues I soon became reticent in my desire to change.  As I have become distinctly focused on making my career meaningful for myself I discovered how important my link to humanity really was.

In my search for personal meaning and my true vocational calling I discovered that I wanted to make the world a better place by relating my lessons from my experiences abroad.  That visionary question came up in manifold ways in H.G. Wells’, “The World Set Free”.  This fictional accounting of a world which works together through creative vision inspired me as a person.  Being able to write about my experiences in China is one way in which I feel great happiness.  I also look forward to being able to eventually return to America in search of further education.  I feel a great connection in trying to continue learning, experiencing, and living abroad still.  That is why at this point I am considering joining Cory the following year in South Korea.  Teaching in South Korea would give me another unique perspective which would greatly enhance my ability to understand the world in which we live in.  The more that I understand the world today the stronger my connections I can make will be. 

Last quick note.  I am currently reading Victor Hugo’s, “Les Miserable’s”, and Mark Twain’s, “Roughing It”.  Both works are exceptionally vivid in their elements and represent two vastly different experiences.  I truly find the work of Victor Hugo as inspiring as well as being a masterpiece of literature.  Seeing the world through the eyes of someone who has witnessed the tumults of the past signifies a world in which one is not able to reach in this life time physically.  Mentally seeing all of the parallels within the human conditions then and now produces a relief in my mind that humanity is quite similar across time and space.  That does not mean that it has to always be this way though… 

I am less than seven days away from seeing my parents and very excited for our reunion!  Best to all friends and family back home!

Erik 

  

A look into my book and a weekend in Chongqing

Hello to all of my summertime reading enthusiasts.  I am going to begin this blog with an excerpt from the book I have been writing regarding living abroad through my personal experiences.

Understanding “Truth”

Most people in particular are drawn to understanding greater meaning in life.  I have always been captivated with discovering truth.  Throughout my life my concept of truth has changed with time.  Truth is something that I feel great meaning in and has been on my mind as I have been writing, running, reading, and living in China.  When I was young I believed in a positivist model of truth.  There must be one great truth and that was going to set me free.  Being from a Christian background I found that truth to natural be in God and Jesus Christ.  As time went on I wavered in my philosophical and religious views and entered into a great gap of thought which opened up my mind to many alternatives.  As I grew to learn truth is veiled in religious, secular, peace, death, sadness, and most certainly in people.  Throughout the accumulation of one’s lifetime truth takes on many different forms at different times in a person’s life.  My truth is different than your truth will be. This change in philosophy has meant the death of positivism for me now as I realize that there is no one great “meaning”, “way”, or “peace” in life.  We all have those gifts in life which are special to us only.  Some people will never even know the extent of the magic of another person.  Even more will live without truly recognizing their own gifts.  I believe in experience.  Through different experiences a person will accumulate a much greater deal of truth than they previously had before that experience.

In rejecting the positivist model I still find my greatest meaning in God and Jesus Christ.  As I previously stated in the paragraph above I believe that all people create their own realities through experience, perspective, education, family, expectations.   Therefore, I choose to believe in God and Jesus Christ just as another person will choose to believe in whatever they find the greatest meaning in.  I find the greatest meaning in this religion because I believe in the legacy of forgiveness, compassion, and most importantly hope.  Regardless of everything else I feel that if a person focuses on these three things they too will find a connection at some level with Christianity.  I have discovered that my changing philosophies regarding truth and religion only became clear to me while thinking, reading, and writing in China.  Here is where the key of experiences comes to be so important in the world today.  Looking into an area such as religion which has a history of hostility between people is a good way to make the example of why experience is so important.

Can a person be truly reasonable?

               Our realities in life are greatly influenced by forces a person has no control over.  For example, family wealth, where you are from, what job your parents hold, social expectations, restrictions, family, education, culture, mores, religion, etc all play central roles in deciding how a person’s unique “truths” will be created in their own lives.  Learning and experiences are hard to come by for most people in the world today.  Living in the information technology age allows people incredible access to things which only a century ago would be limited to the highly educated and privileged.  The greatest achievement of the internet is the equal dissemination of access to ideas today.  Unfortunately not all information is reliable, trustworthy, or correct.  Bias and prejudice will and have always riddled the print of ideas from the beginning of written language.  Media sources throw ideas at people at a rate which makes the brain become apathetic to what it reads and hears today.  The brain is the highest level of consumer and needs to be able to make the best judgment when it comes time to be a reasoned person in the world today. 

The desire to be a “reasoned” person has even made me come to debate the validity of such a claim while in China.  Taking a topic such as philosophy for example bears some fruit on why being a truly “reasoned” person is impossible.  The reality is that most of the world’s great philosophies have never existed in written form.  That is because I believe that people who survive on less than a dollar a day, living without any of life’s great modern technologies, who would give everything to make sure that their family has food to eat, and make sure that they do not starve would have to be some of the best philosophers the world has ever read.  To read about a person suffering merely to survive is something that is profoundly human and would touch the hearts of people.  I often see a vast amount of people searching for food, sleeping on roadsides, and wearing tattered rags for clothes.  Their bodies are so emaciated that I am able to see every bone in their body through their meager covering rags. 

               The fact that we do not live in a reasoned world has frustrated, haunted, and even made me feel hopeless at times in my life.  I was so sure that we lived in a rational and reasoned world when I was a child.  After all I had never seen anything that would have made me believe to the contrary during my wonderful up-bringing free from fear.  I also felt that because human’s where supposed to think and reason knowledge that we most live in reasoned world.  My view also had a religious feel as well as so much in my life has and does today.  I believed that God made humans to be the greatest of all species, the care-takers of the Earth, the “thinkers” of the world, and creatures who were primarily good.  These feelings created a realization that the world in which I lived in must be inherently good in my mind.  I still had not fathomed the many difficulties that I would struggle with in life, the bad things I would see, and the world’s sadness I would know as I grew wiser. 

               My wisdom only has shown through my experiences in China.  The greatest gift I have had in life has been able to see the world from a whole new perspective.  I would do things which I realized people in China thought were completely wrong for reasons which I might have held being in their same situation.  Was I wrong?  Where they right?  Let’s take a sample situation to use for guiding principle.

Most days I go running in China.  During the summer time my running has changed a great deal to the changing environment.  With temperatures usually in the nineties with great humidity I still was resolved to run through the weather.  On most days I would run along the track of Rongchang’s campus which is near to my apartment.  My running would begin sometime around 11:00 a.m. and it would not take long for me to have visitors.  Passing by Chinese of all ages would watch in astonishment at the sight before them as a six-foot-four giant was running in summer’s afternoon heat!  This was a normal routine for me.  Around 11:30 a.m. elementary - high school aged students taking summer courses start flowing out to go for lunch.  Many of these students I taught that summer at one of my teaching jobs so the students were pretty familiar with me.  They always like to ask me, “nice to meet you”, “hello”, or “have a nice day” while I would be running by on the track.  I have become quite use to this type of attention and tend to merely wave at students instead of actually responding back.  In order to continue my running routine during the summer I made some calculated training changes.  First, I limited my runs to an hour at the most; which is about half as long as I was running at my peak of distance training in the spring.  Secondly, I keep myself hydrated to the point of almost being too hydrated.  I drink about twenty liters of water in two days and have a copious amount of Gatorades to replace electrolytes, sodium, and sugar during runs.  Third, I always bring my cell phone with in case of emergencies.  With these reasoned responses to the situation it does not seem like too great of a risk that I am taking. 

               My reasoning does not make the same mark on the logic of my Chinese friends’ though.  I know that they think that running in the middle of the day is wrong because it is simply too hot.  Both realities are correct and there is no right answer.  It becomes merely shaped by the realities of the people at the place, in the time, reading the experience through the lens of their own “truths”.  Reaching such a conclusion is only reached by having an experience such as living abroad.  No one can come to understand so thoroughly the similarities and differences of people until a person lives through it every day.  My emotion response to running makes it something that I find great value and hence meaning in.  I find running in the early afternoon to be a necessity to the fact that I am a habitual night owl who does not wake up some time until 10:30 a.m.  As I continued to get closer to the date of my marathon I was training my running changed in its value.  I find running to be a moment of peace from reality which allows me to put my thoughts in order away from a busy world filled with technology and constant media.

Seeing reason as a “value” or innate human characteristic?

               Some people value reason which is good in my opinion; nonetheless, they will still make irrational decisions quite often it seems.  Until I borrowed a little psychology I was unable to comprehend why reasoning seemed gone from the world.  Studies showing a direct correlation to human responses and reasoned thought hold a great deal of validity in their application.  Strong emotional response from the amygdala sent to the brain creates emotional sensation.  The pre-frontal lobe is responsible for abstract thinking and sends reasoned responses to the mind as it ceaselessly reads the changing environment.  In all situations these two factors have nearly the exact same timing in their inception to the mind; however, when the body receives certain impulses which create a “fight or flight” response the brain tends to disregard the reasoned thought reaction the pre frontal lobe may have sent.  Natural human fluids sent to create the sensation in the body make the person feel things which the mind cannot truly describe.  Tearing my Achilles heel is the one time in my life where I can say that I went through some pretty intense adrenaline which makes describing the situation almost impossible.  Often soldiers have similar trouble trying to describe how combat made them feel as they are rehabilitated back into society.

               With this knowledge I have been able to come up with a greater discovery about why I was wrong about the reasoning of humans today.  It drove me to realize that the human realities of each life, the creative nature of each person’s responses to each situation, and the complexity of the human existence together makes a reasoned world impossible.  I feel that this truth can be traced to many human realities around the world today and in the past.  As far as some things I can think of off the top of my head here are some of the more telling.  First, smart and rich people do not make the best leaders lack a workable vision for a changing society.  Second, people cannot agree on the simplest of things.  Third, many feel lost to the greater “meaning” of the world.  Fourth, some great souls are lost in an existential vacuum of thoughts about how we can or should make the world a better place.   Fifth, the great amount of people today who would rather stay connected to cell phones, computers, mp3’s, etc than take time to think about the world today.   Sixth, people who are afraid that they will wake up old and feeling that they did not accomplishing anything of value in life.  I can relate with many of the above realities because I too have struggled with them at different times in my life.

               The reality is that no one truth is correct; experience is the key to gaining greater perspectives, and that life does not have one “central” meaning which results in a reasoned society.  Even if I did believe that all people thought with reason I do not know if they would be able to come up with great “reasoned” societies because of the unique nature of the human beings lust for power, wealth, possessions, etc.  Even if we all had someone who was the most “reasoned”, “knowledgeable”, and “honest”, person in the world I would not throw my allegiance to them without first questioning their real intentions.  So many societies across the space of human written existence have become hooked onto leaders who professed to have all the reasoned “answers” for their people.  The results of the great reasoned despotic leaders of history are mixed, but many people found a greater appreciation for the horrors of death, famine, and war in their experiences than in achievement of a truly better world.

Why I believe that reasoned thought is important in the world today

               Reasoned thought is still an important value to me as a person, but I am also able to understand why people might not agree with me as well.  I would only ask that anyone who does disagree with a person has an original idea as to why.  I will always respect something thought out and reasoned to fit that person’s unique “truths” they have discovered in life.  I only ask that a person is very careful in assuming what they believe is correct.  Remember to question the sources, bias, and prejudices of the authors at all times.  Please do not think that I am trying to be arrogant in my plea.  I really wish that more people would spend the time, care, and just give a damn about the world today.  That is mostly why I sometimes feel hopeless, depressed, and without motivation to overcome the challenges of the world today.  I know that I am unique, but I am trying to find ways that I am able to grab the attention of people looking for meaning in their life.  If a person feels that they are without meaning in their life and want to do something admirable they need simply to think about the world today.  Think about the rich.  Feel for the poor.  Write Congress.  Join a local Church and go on a mission trip.  Learn about the uniqueness of the rainforest.  Become a member of a gym.  Drive to the beach and collect trash.  Spend time with friends and loved ones; a person never knows when their time is next.  Whatever that thing is that makes you feel alive with meaning in life make time to do it.  Take calculated chances and you will find greater meaning than you ever could have imagined.  Live life connected to the world and still dream.  Never give up dreaming and you will discover the greatest of all truths.  All people who live with meaning inherently altruistic in nature will find peace in death.  Many people who live their lives in search of ephemeral things, easy solutions, money, power, etc will discover the sad truth that all of these things are not going to make the trip with you to the next life or death.

This second piece of the blog entry entails a bit of my weekend fun in Chongqing with some of my good friends from China.

               My weekend in Chongqing was a well-timed break from my Rongchang routine.  I travelled with my good friend Maggie (Zhu shuai).  Maggie lived her first twenty-four years in Chongqing before she moved to work studying animals at one of Rongchang’s veterinarian research centers.  Together we meet up with my good friend Jack Yang.  Jack has been my guest at my apartment in Rongchang and our friendship goes back to my first trip to Chongqing in March.  As a big group we enjoyed a healthy pizza at Chongqing’s best (and only?) traditional Italian pizza restaurant.  I cannot really call it a restaurant because the pizza is made in an apartment which has been changed into a very quaint nook for foreigners and Chinese alike to enjoy real pizza.  I am emphasizing the essence of the pizza because China has quite a few interpretations of pizza which are sold at their own “pizza huts” across the country.  I feel much greater affinity to what I have learned to be traditional Italian pizza over my lifetime.  Thus, I wanted to show my friends out to the only traditional pizza restaurants I knew of in Chongqing.  Afterwards we all enjoyed an evening of dancing and singing at one of Chongqing trendiest bar / clubs.

               The next day Maggie and I enjoyed the movie Transformers III together.  All in all an interesting interpretation by Michael Bay, (I do not know if I would side with humans, an alien race, and condemn the rebirth of our planet only to save some human lives and freedom?), but that is something that I have come sadly accustomed to seeing in most “blockbusters” today.  I did enjoy the application of hope used by Bay and the characters to add a real human element to the movie.  I imagine that doing so is difficult when you are dealing with robots and as always the special effects were enjoyable.  Following the movie Maggie and I went shopping to pick up some food which we cannot buy in Rongchang, (butter, spaghetti, cereal, bagels, bread rolls, Hershey’s chocolate, etc).  Afterwards I meet up with Jack and worked together tutoring a twelve year old Chinese student practice their English.  I really enjoyed working with Jack’s unique knowledge of the challenges of sometimes being able to learn two quite different languages.  Afterwards Jack and I enjoyed watching T.V. with his mother.

               The next day I said goodbye to Jack and meet up again with Maggie for our return bus ride back to Rongchang!  All together I had a great weekend catching up with old friends.

               I am learning a lot of what it means to be a good teacher in China this summer as well by challenging myself by working with all ages of students.  In my experiences I have had to use some alternative methods to fit my audience’s unique abilities.  Reaching out to students of all ages and trying to teach them things of relevance really can be a challenge.  The challenges are exacerbated by the lack of modern technology at one of my teaching jobs.  By not having a monitor, computer, or even air conditioning I feel literally burning for teaching material at times.  I have found that classical-conditioning, rewards, psychology, personality, candy, pictures, writing words on the boards, etc seem to keep my students from drifting off into mental imagination lands.  I know for a fact that I drifted early and often to such lands as a child and want to do my best to make learning more than memorization for these young minds.

               I finished reading the wonderful biography on Dietrich Bonheoffer and was greatly moved by his incredible will.  He truly was someone who welcomed death rather than live complacently in Nazi Germany.  He had ample opportunity to do so as he was from a very distinguished family and could easily have just given in to protect his image.  He chose isolation and eventually his work for Abwher’s secret service resulted in his capture by the Gestapo and execution less than two weeks before Americans liberated the camp.  Abwher was ostensibly a Nazi secret service agency; however, the Canaris was able to keep secret his explicit involvement in one of the plots to overthrow Hitler only through his connection with the agency which Bonheoffer was to join in 1941.

I recently started reading H.G. Well’s, “The World Set Free” and have taken to it from the onset.  I look forward to upcoming weeks of relative quite before I head off to Beijing to join my parents on a two week vacation in China as a family!

Best wishes to friends and family

   

"Get busy livin, or get busy dyin" - Yes I just watched the Shawshank Redemption!

     I find it strange to remember that my last blog was talking about my vacation with Cory.  Two weeks later, and I have already jumped headfirst into a summer filed with vast alternatives to choose from.  Being free to make these choices really does indicate to a person what they value most in life.  At the very least it tells them what they enjoy doing with their free time!  My time this summer has indicated to me that I am a person who wishes to balance his time in many different pursuits.

I have started my long awaited personal jump into writing!  In earnest, I have complied a couple dozen pages on my experiences living abroad, some ideas, and life experiences.  Writing has always been a pursuit which I found to be rewarding intrinsically.  Unfortunately, I always found institutional education’s attempt at academic pursuit of writing within the frame work of one area’s focus to be entrapment of internal creativity.  What I find to be exceedingly enjoying is discovering similarities and differences between different academic criterion and subject matter.   Next, I try to draw the identifying ideas into a newly formed synthesis of ideas.  The result being what I always hope is something creative or new.  In reality, most of the ideas are trivial or deserve more study or research.  What I aim for is individual creativity something that is not found within the all framework.

There is just something unexplainable regarding the feeling that you get when you are able to put together an idea on paper.  In the mind, the ideas are like an infinite amount of possibility stored up as energy.  When the idea comes out in writing the energy is released into the realm of possibility.  At first, penning your ideas into coherent thought is a challenging prospect; however, pushing through those inner forces to complete your thoughts allows a sense of inner fulfillment.  The most remarkable thing is when you realize that you in fact matter as a person.  Not just you matter but that your thoughts matter to.  Even if your target reader is only a small audience that may not even be able to understand your real intent, purpose, or meaning of what you are describing.  The beauty of human life is existence.  Cogito ergo sum…  “I think therefore; I am,” does a nice job of elucidating the fulfillment of this life for me.  Humans are the only creatures who are able to put their life experiences into deeper meaning.  Writing is the natural fait accumpli for human expression.  Scholarship being the natural fulfillment of any reasoned philosophy in its many forms.  I only fear that people will lose their love of purposeful writing in the future.  The ability to write on blogs, face book, and twitter feds are both great gifts and curses.  It all depends on how you plan on using it.  Other than writing; I have also taken to several other pursuits this summer.

First off, my gaining popularity in Rongchang has granted me two different summer teaching jobs.  I have had the challenge and privilege to teach mostly middle and high school students.  I have enjoyed working with both groups as they have given me another outlet for my vast energies.  I have also found great enjoyment working with the younger children of elementary school age as well.  I enjoy making their world’s picture of foreigners brighter for in the 21^st century.  I have had to do a lot of pedagogical changing to meet the challenges of teaching students who barely know any English.  Therefore, I usually start off by trying to explain everything in Chinese (my Chinese is still that of a beginner) which makes for an interesting forty minutes!  My classrooms also do not have projectors or computers so both of those easy avenues are gone.  I have take to a strategy of combining pictures, brochures, posters, and anything of English as visual teaching ques.  After being able to see the objects, pictures, etc I explain in Chinese and than in English what it is.  Again, my Chinese is poor so this is still a slow process!  Next, I write the word or phrase on the chalk board and we practice speaking as a class.  I think being a foreigner is my only saving grace in keeping their attention.   To this point, I can say that I have not yet had complete anarchy in the room which is a good sign.  Altogether, my students are warmly receptive to my teaching and my pedagogy is getting better with each class.  I also am bringing candy with next time to keep my students’ interests piqued!  I guess candy has the same effect on whether you are an Eastern or Western elementary student!

I have continued running with marked success.  Muscle adaptation has allowed me to switch energy systems in only two years time; which goes to show how incredibly adaptive the human body is under the stress of training.  While running on the treadmill I have reached all time best time and distance marks so far this summer.  It is hard for me to quantify what running means to me anymore.  I use to run because I had the goal of running a marathon.  I enjoyed the way my body was changing and felt that I was able to notch off another “life” goal of mine.  Now things have changed for me.  No longer do I run for my upcoming marathon next year.  I run because it sets my mind free.  For a couple hours each day I am completely free from cellphones, ipods, the internet, the world, etc.  I have come up with most of my thoughts while running during my time in China and I only recently started reaching my thought potential when my ipod broke several months ago.  This break from reality gave me the unique moment to rediscover meaning in life, my spirit, soul, essence of human existence, and my own inner life struggles.  Only throw this daily experience of running have I been able to look deeply into the good and the bad of who Erik Kottom really is.  Each run like each day is different too.  Sometimes I run with a tune in my mind.  Other days my thoughts are completely blank, irrelevant, or of fantasy.  In reality, each one is the necessary measure of one’s inner reality of that moment in time.  I cannot stress enough how I was only able to find peace in these ruminations through running.  It has been as therapeutic as writing for me during times of malaise.

I have enjoyed biking, basketball, reading, and living in Rongchang.  A fact of my existence in China has been living like a celebrity in the eyes of my Chinese community.  I have had more pictures taken, cell phone numbers, QQ numbers (equivalent of instant messenger), well wishers, etc than I can count, and already I am finding that I need to have some time for personal space.  I have resorted to making a good deal of my meals at home now to avoid always being singled out while eating.  Another thing that I have had to learn to say is “no” sometimes.  At first I indulged every single person I saw.  I sad “hello”, answered everyone in Chinese when I knew what they were saying, and basically was a very outgoing guest in the Rongchang community.  I still am today regardless of how I am trying to keep my personal space too.  I cannot change my outward friendly manner.  I have just learned to tell people “no” sometimes.  I think of it as understanding that we all have limits.  Sometimes I have to say “no” to myself and that whole process has taken time for me to get around to as well.  It is a balanced and necessary transition for me but something that I am feeling much better about moving forward.

I am currently still reading an intimate biographical look at the life of Dietrich Bonheoffer.  His continuous ability to see life’s many difficult decisions through the eyes of God was an incredible feat of discipline, calling, respect, and virtue.  Both Bonheoffer and Gandhi shared a love for creating environmentally sustainable living in their own times.  I find their individual measures very compelling and interesting regarding the 21^st centuries continued environmental concerns.  I have come to the fact that I find any argument against sustainable development as quite short sighted for the future.  The role of humanitiy may be debated; however, I feel that weather or not we influenced a lot or a little of the many problems humanity can and should work to make the world a healthy place to live in environmentally.  Regardless of blame, guilt, or innocence I feel that humans should be compelled to help the environment from many perspectives.  First off, if you believe that the environment is of no concern to you than you need to ask yourself where you receive your life sustenance from.  Foods, plants, naturally synthesized chemicals, medicines, and humans all live naturally on the Earth.  If you destroy that biodiversity, forests, rivers, animals, etc than you are going to lose out on a considerable amount of naturally sustained sources of modern human existence which we use to live our every day normal lives.    

Next, ask yourself if you would be willing to pay for all of the natural pollination of plants, purification of water sheds, oxidation, translation of trees, and other services provided free from nature.  An estimate in 1997 was that these processes would cost 33 trillion dollars annually.  Any first estimated number is going to draw a lot of criticisms from researchers and skeptics; therefore, I believe that even if it is less than half reliable that is still an extremely high price to pay.  I am not a scientist; however, I am a person who loves experience.  Being able to go skiing on beautiful mountains, hiking in Yosemite National Park, descending down the Grand Canyon, or be it walking slowly in your own communities forest parks I enjoy being alone in nature.  There is a unique part of every religion which finds many of its leaders discovering truth alone in caves, mountains, deserts, etc.  Buddhism, Daoism / Taoism, Christianity, and Hinduism all feature unique love for the environment.  Far from being only a moral argument it is also a future job creator in a competitive global market today.  Looking at things from a holistic viewpoint allows you to see the benefits of smart planning.  Even in China they are making remarkably clean, fast, and cutting edge transportation infrastructure which makes America’s 1950’s interstate highway system feel archaic.  I know that if anyone in the world can lead these changes it is America where the technology, innovation, intelligence, and economic advantages all come together better than anywhere on the earth.  At least today. 

It is time that America changes its image from being the wasteful and consumptive giant of the world.  I was reading an article where CNN’s Fareed Zakaria compared America and China in contention to see whose resources, government, and infrastructure was in a better position for the 21^st century.  Fareed draws some fundamentally correct analysis on the current situation, especially politically in America; regardless, America can still put forward a new synthesis of economic growth unsurpassed in the future if it embraces the changing world it lives in today.  And that goes for everyone in the world today.  The future has never been more up for the grabs while countries like Brazil and China continue to put forward consistent GDP numbers annually.  Who twenty years ago would have believed that in 2011 United States would be in the current economic crisis?  Not many people would have been able to foreshadow that the plentiful nineties would give birth to the unstable world of the 21^st century which the U.S.A. would find itself in somewhat precarious economic, political, and military situations.  This incredible rate of change has never been seen in the world before.  The rise and fall of governments, ideas, economy, technology, innovation, etc is going to move at hyper speed for now on.  In order to remain in this battle for the long-run countries and leaders are going to have to learn not to be comfortable with their position at the moment.  If you feel that these are still not valid concerns question the opportunity cost of inaction.  What if you are wrong about letting the world go on a “status quo” for development, population, and consumption as usual?  I would hate to have to be there when “I told you so” would not even matter because there would be no future for the United States nor humanity to hope for on Earth.  

On a personal note I have been thinking a great deal about how I want to spend time in my life.  Here are some of the thoughts that I have been thinking of lately cataloguing my emotional responses to things.  Unlike most people I have always analyzed things at many levels; with my emotional responses to outward experiences depending greatly on the current moment’s thoughts.   

The perpetual movement of time continues to torrent forward like a sea against rock cliffs.  Time means different things to different people during different times in life.  To me, time is an enemy; constantly hounding, pestering, and aching for fulfillment of new experience.  I have worked to alleviate my pestering time in several ways; however, I have come to a point where I am beginning to question every single decision I do each day to see if it measures up to my “high” estimate of value.  Inasmuch, I am finding it sometimes exceedingly difficult to feel able to enjoy my own experiences that I have enjoyed in the past.  To this effect, I am still deciding on how I want to manage this new feeling of mine in ways that I find it strange to think that this sort of thinking is part of a revolving cycle I have encountered in the past of my life as well.  I remember feeling the same last summer as I was preparing for my last semester at college.  I wanted to make the most out of my time before I was going to make the “plunge” into a full-time career.  Invariably, I lost out on this great gift of time and found myself feeling quiet empty inside.  I believe that this goes back into the physiology of my brain’s chemistry; something that I believe I can only find better ways of managing as I grow older.  It is such a paradox to think that what truly makes me different; drive, passion, hope, perseverance, and resilience also is my undoing.  The antonym of these words clearly reflects a darker human quality: masochism.   Am I needlessly suffering for my own self-righteousness? 

It is a question that I have to ask myself from time to time and sometimes do not have an answer to.  Regardless, I know that I struggle with this question because I feel called to deliver the truth, bring meaning, and inner passion to whatever I am doing in life.  It is not merely making the best out of every situation, something I try to do nonetheless, but a greater feeling of self-fulfillment.  Self fulfillment only comes from the realization of knowing the best and worst about yourself, the balance of your mind, the meaning of your soul, and the acceptance of your body as a gift of human life.  Only through these types of personal knowledge will a person be able to find great meaning in their life.  The great thing about personal knowledge is that it is only learned through different experiences.  These experiences can vary in their realities (marriage, living abroad, suffering, true love, etc) but they all have a core way of expressing the inner beauty of one’s soul.  That is the kind of peace I am looking for in my experiences abroad and am happy to say I am finding day by day.  Like the great Tim Robbins stated in Shaw shank Redemption, “Get busy living, or get busy dying”!