An Unexpected Meeting...

 

                                During the semester I began holding tutoring lessons on the weekdays at one of the campus' nearby coffee shops, Coffee Dream (咖梦).  This particular coffee shop was frequented by many foreigners living in Beibei which gave it a distinctly international feel compared to some of the other establishments near campus.  Another unique fact about Coffee Dream is that the owner is a retired Korean-American entrepreneur.  Both of these unique traits combined to create an atmosphere which promoted cross-cultural exchange between Chinese and foreigners.

 

                                During one of these aforementioned "study" sessions I was blessed to meet the great person, 陈诗文 whose English name is Lainey.  At this point in my development my Chinese language skills had already progressed to conversational; furthermore, I also felt confident enough to engage anyone I wanted to in Chinese.  Regardless if it was really unwarranted hubris or confidence, I was extremely excited to use my Chinese skills at this point in my experience living in China.

 

                                During this fateful night I chose to engage the personable Lainey and a friend of hers in their mother language of Chinese.  Although I was tired from a hard day of work and study I was definitely aware of Laney's quiet forbearance as she patiently allowed me room for error while speaking about more abstract topics.  During the conversation I was also struck by her desire to engage me in her mother tongue instead of trying to speak to me in English.  I guess after spending a lot of time in China I really appreciated the fact that she would grant me the opportunity to speak with her in Chinese.  In my mind, there is no greater respect you can pay a person than to use their mother language while engaging them in conversation.  Being able to share this gift with Lainey was truly special to me during this time.

 

                                I was equally captivated by her personality and enjoyed hearing about some of her unique experiences while studying abroad in South Korea.  At the age of twenty-three her prospects were bright as she was already tri-lingual and had been accepted into a graduate program in Seoul, South Korea.

 

                                Even with all of these aforementioned characteristics, I was above all attracted to her enthusiasm for life.  Lainey is a person who exudes positivity in all faucets of life.  At that time in my life I was really missing Lainey's proclivity towards fun, excitement, and extroverted personality.  Since she had all of those personality traits in abundance spending time with her was always a blast for me.

 

                                Feeding off of the positive energy of the conversation I gathered up the courage to ask her out on an informal date.  Now, since losing face is really inappropriate in a public setting in Chinese culture, I guess I should not have been surprised that Lainey would have at least feigned interest at an incoming admirer.  Even with that being said I definitely felt that there was a deeper connection between us at the time, and would have been let-down if she would have turned down my offer for dinner the following week.

 

                                At the conclusion of the second date I knew things were going in the right direction, and to my pleasure I was able to once again find greater meaning in life while spending time with Lainey.

 

                                As the status of our relationship changed from "dating" to a "couple" we continued to find happiness in each other's company.  Nonetheless, I can truthfully say that during this period of time I really began noticing some of the changes which couples go through as the "your perfect" honeymoon begins to wear off. I will not attempt to bore you with the banal details around some of the more trivial disputes we engaged upon.  In truth, the more minute the dispute the more ludicrously we both seemed to want to argue out our opinion as if every word would make our viewpoint more reputable.

 

                                In all honesty, these disputes did not start to creep into our relationship until the unrealistic yet inevitable "your perfect" phase started to wear off between us.  It seems that humans truly do have an innate desire to argue amongst one another, and sadly this is no less true when in the presence of those you care about.  Even with all of the aforementioned negativity, I can still say that most days and times in her company were extremely happy for me.

 

The Makings of a Crisis:  Knowing When a Breaking Point is Reached

                                In the midst of pursuing all of these great endeavors I found myself completely lacking any resemblance of fun in my life.  Only after careful reflection was I able to realize that at that time in my life I did not want to admit to myself that I was reaching a critical breaking point in regards to balancing my schedule.  I think that one of the keys to happiness in life is finding ways to consciously ask yourself are you living in a balanced manner in life?  If the answer is no, then it may be time to think of some ways to try and solve, or at least ameliorate the problem.    

 

                                I can safely upon reflection admit that at this time in my life I was not mentally or spiritually ready to admit my own limitations to myself.  Fortunately, life always seems to have a new and unique of surprising us into reflection.  In the midst of my second semester life decided to lead me down an unexpected road.  Hindsight tends to make the outcomes of life seem quite obvious to us humans; however, at the time I was quite certain that everything I was doing was best for me under the circumstances.     

 

                                I think that this may be true because humans seem to have a certain amount of self-vanity regarding the intrinsic and extrinsic things we value in life.  Often times, even our friends will be unable to dissuade us from performing a task which we deem inherently important to the accumulation of something we value in life.  This is especially true if the thing we are doing is something that we have been doing for a long time without cessation.  Humans truly can be creatures of habit.  Tragically, this is even true if the things we are accustomed to doing are distinctly harmful to us such as an addiction.

Second Semester in Beibei:  Triumph over Adversity

 

                                Looking forward, I knew that it was time to really challenge my Chinese skills moving forward.  In order to meet these lofty goals I was going to need to try and attend as many classes as were possible with the other foreign students studying Chinese, use Chinese every day, and spend more time studying the materials in class.

 

                                One unfortunate problem was that I had previously committed to working other part time jobs at Southwest University which would have the accumulated effect of adding more pressure on me.  Initially, I accepted the other job in order to help a departing friend from the Netherlands find a replacement at his position.  The new class I was to teach dealt primarily with helping students planning on studying abroad learn more about western culture and helping them improve their scores on the IELTS college entrance exam.  Just because I think I may at times have a tendency towards masochism, I decided to take on a couple weekly tutoring jobs for extra cash too.

 

                                Looking back it seems understandable to me now, as well to you probably, that burnout was inevitable.  Despite this fact I ended up progressing rather well throughout the semester; although, I did encounter several periods of declining interest in spending time with friends, exercising, reading, etcetera.  Since these things are usually really important to me it seems clear to me know that I was probably over-working myself at times during the semester.

 

                                The highlight of my semester was being able to give two individual half hour presentations on the Rise of Adolf Hitler in Nazi Germany and Hannibal Barca's role in the Punic Wars.  Both of these presentations where conducted exclusively in Chinese; likewise, my ppt presentation slides only had written "汉字" or Chinese characters on them which really was a challenge for me to present with.  In my mind, this accomplishment was really the capstone of my entire year's work in the language, and I was really proud of myself for doing a good job of presenting in front of my peers.  Naturally, I did also have a sense of failure at not performing the perfect speech; nonetheless, I was pleased with the progress that I had made in only the past few months of learning Chinese in a part-time classroom setting.

 

                               During this period of time I really made a conscious effort to speak only in Chinese outside of the classroom.  I also found that in many ways augmenting the classroom experience by sometimes conflating the two languages was both entertaining and interesting for the students.  Truly these couple of months really saw my Chinese take off, （飞黄腾达). Being able to recognize that all of the effort that I had put forth in order to further my language acquisition was paying off was a bone to my constitution.   

 

Decision Time:  Where Does Taking The Road Less Traveled Lead You?

                                Strangely, I began my second semester at Southwest semester with a heavy heart.  Ironically, I managed to return from my month-long trip with almost more angst than I had before I left for it.  Indeed, the question of whether I would renew my teaching contract in China for another year definitely weighed heavily on my heart.  At that time I felt that the course of my whole life was at stake.  The added pressure I put on myself had the unintended effect of making me lose my sense of balance in life.  I knew that I could not stay in this tenuous state much longer, and I needed to find a way to resolve the situation as soon as I had the opportunity to.  

 

                                In order to lessen my discomfort I sought out consul from some of the most inspirational, important, and wise mentors I had met along the road of my life.  I especially tried to focus my attention on the people who had positively impacted my experience while in China.  To this effect, I was able to garner a lot of great advice from trusted advisors which really helped alleviate some of my irrational fears.  Nonetheless, I was able to also learn that in order to be successful in a "China" centered career I would need to continue to improve upon my burgeoning Chinese communication skills as well as pass a high level on the HSK (汉语水平考试）exam.

 

                                After hearing the advice of friends and family it seemed blatantly obvious to me that if I was going to stay in China that I had my work cut out for me.  In order to be successful in China I would need to continue working hard on my improving my language skills, get a variety of experiences in different working environments, and most importantly: network.  After reflection, I guess I cannot say that the practicality of the advice I received did not seem too shocking to me; rather, some of my responses to the questions posed by those assisting in my decision making process certainly were thought-provoking.  Chiefly, I was surprised to hear how readily I seemed willing to continue living abroad for an indefinite period of time.  Upon reflection, it seems striking to me that I would so readily assent to remain on a career path which I had up until the past few years never considered as a viable course for me to take in life. 

 

                                This two-three week period was also coupled with some in-depth research on several different career options for me to consider following after my time teaching and studying in China.  I began to consider the corporate, education, Foreign Service, continued education, and consultant tracks as possible options for me to consider at the termination of my present contract.  Honestly, I did not want to limit my personal imagination or career opportunities because of my own ignorance of the requirements needed to reach such goals. 

 

                                Altogether, the collection and evaluation of information seemed to really clarify my decision to renew my contract at Southwest University for another year.  The termination of my ruminations regarding my future also had a rejuvenating quality to it.  I soon found that I had my normal smile and easy-going attitude back in my life which was great.

 

Winter Vacation II: Shen Zhen（深圳）, Hong Kong（香港, Macao（澳门），and Spring Festival (春节) in China

                                The last stop on our trip was to return to China to spend a few days in Shenzhen (深圳), Hong Kong (香港), and Macao (澳门).  Truly, I was extremely excited to be visiting Hong Kong due its unique history and relationship with western culture.  Overall, I was left with a pretty high opinion of Hong Kong as it had a very avant-garde amalgamation of both western and Chinese culture.  The high-light of the final leg of our trip was definitely seeing the fireworks performance at Victoria Harbor (维多利亚港).  In all of my lifetime I have never witnessed such a spectacular firework show.  The never-ending burst of explosions seems to leave the audience in a state of anxious suspense, until finally everyone knew that the smashing crescendo had just signaled the end of the performance.

 

                                Although the firework show was unbelievable in scope, my overall opinion of the 春节 (Spring Festival) celebration in Hong Kong was that it lacked the same fevered-pitch intensity that seemed present while being celebrated in mainland China.  Please do not misinterpret this statement to hold any sense of negative bias against the people of Hong Kong.  I am merely stating that in my mind I had thought that the celebration's intensity would have been on par with that of the mainland.  While in Hong Kong, I heard from several local people that the New Year's and Christmas celebrations are really popular in the city and celebrated with more fervor than even the Spring Festival.

 

                                At this point in the vacation the worst fears of any traveler came true.  One of our kin had seemingly been battling illness for most of the trip in what ultimately was to be a losing battle.  His endearing spirit final gave out on him at about the same time that our group was celebrating the Spring Festival.  Thankfully, he made the decision to be admitted to the hospital in order to ameliorate his weakening body.  At this point in the trip we were also lucky that our group split up because a second companion was able to assist in getting our weakened colleague checked into the hospital. 

 

                                Upon hearing the diagnosis the group collectively was aghast to learn that our friend had for weeks been battling Dengue Fever!  For days the group had been trying to assuage our friend's psyche by telling him that he was doing okay, and what he was struggling with was probably nothing more than a protracted cold caused by our rapid pace of traveling, carousing, and, activity. 

 

                                Our joint hubris can best be attributed to the lack of collective experience with such serious diseases, the impetuous nature of youth, and the wish of all to postpone any treatment for our colleague until we returned to Southwest University.  In any event, we were extremely lucky that our workmate was able to endure the challenges of this serious illness with intrepid grace and fortitude.

 

                                Overall, the month long trip taught me a lot about group dynamics, my limitations as a traveler, and the benefits of being a prepared traveler.  The mutual understanding of our group seemed to underscore our unit's ability to coexist under difficult and ideal conditions.  Truthfully, this group flexibility was a blessing for me since I found plenty of opportunities to explore on my own while the other members of the group engaged in other pursuits.

 

                                As many of you may have gleaned, I am inclined to go off on the beaten path from time to time in life.  Consequently, it is not so strange to understand that while traveling my spirit of adventure tends to propel me to explore things on my own.  I fell extremely fortunate that my fellow travelers were supportive enough to encourage me to continue exploring without leaving me with a sense of guilt for not always wanting to join in on group activities.

Winter Vacation Part I: Cambodia, Malaysia, and Thailand

 

                                Our month long trip spanned five distinctly different areas as well as four countries.  My journey started off by leaving cold and dreary beibei on a flight to Siem Reap's, Angkor Wat.  Since the other group members were coming from places further away than Chongqing, China to Cambodia I was the first to arrive in Siem Reap.  For some people the mere logistics of organizing such an endeavor might seem to some like a troublesome burden.  Fortunately, in our group a leader would emerge who was an expert in organization, logistics, and trouble-shooting.  As much as I would like to say that this leader was me I honestly cannot.  Although our group was already well traveled the personality of the group members dictated that someone needed to take charge and lead.  Through good leadership and the open-mindedness of our group we only experienced a couple of minor schisms throughout our voyage together.

 

                                                The first part of our trip was spent in the naturally reconditioned ruins of Cambodia's Angkor Wat.  In my humble opinion, this was my favorite part of the entire trip and something that will stay engraved in my memory for years to come.  The enormous scope of the ruins really left my imagination enraptured regarding what this place must have looked like during the height of its majesty.  I most enjoyed biking for hours alone exploring the many miles of exterior ruins, meeting fellow travelers, and day-dreaming while resting on the ruins.

 

                                The second leg of our journey took us down to the sixth layer of Hell as far as Dante Alighieri would have been concerned.  Indeed, Phnom Penh leaves much to be desired as it lacks both the comforts of western countries as well as the cultural uniqueness present in many cities around the world.  The countries incipient foreign investments still have a long way to go in order to reach the level of development its foreign neighbors have already accomplished.  Another big issue with the city is the transparent graft, sex-slave trade, and overall dirty impression visiting Phnom Penh leaves on visitors.   

 

                                For me, a lasting impression from visiting Phnom Penh was definitely seeing the Killing Fields.  Visiting these types of harrowing monuments to the atrocities which humans are capable of inflicting on their fellow brothers and sisters always leaves an indelible mark on the searching soul.  As I am constantly searching for answers regarding the greater questions in life, I would be lying to you if I did not admit that this experience was a haunting one for me to grapple with while I questioned humanity.

 

                                Our next stop was to visit Kuala Lumpur for a day in route to reaching our next destination: Thailand's Koh Phangan Island.  Honestly, this detour was not at all interesting for me since I had previously spent several days in Kuala Lumpur in 2012; Therefore, I strongly considered taking a bus from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore for a day.  Unfortunately, I just did not have enough time due to the nature of our short lay-over in Malaysia.

 

                                That next day we embarked on an all day odyssey of travel which included using the metro, buses, a plane, a boat, and a truck in route to our final destination.  Once we arrived at our bungalow everyone was sufficiently exhausted and in need of a good night's sleep.  The next few days were to be the most relaxing spent while traveling.  This portion of our vacation was perfect for resting, reading, and enjoying recreational activities on the beach.  I personally found affinity in getting up relatively early and going on a morning run or walk by myself.  In the afternoons, I spent a lot of time on the beach absorbed in reading books on my kindle. 

 

                                At this point in our journey the greatest challenge to my autonomy seemed to come from the packs of stray dogs who roamed the island.  Likewise, I found it almost untenable to go running down lengths of the road without so much as a stick to protect myself from the truculent stray dogs.  These unfortunate creatures had the natural instinct of trying and lurch at me while I ran by them on my mourning runs.  In fact, I was only able to finally ameliorate the situation when I realized that swinging a stick at them was the only sure way of provoking them to retreat from their persistent sortie.

 

                                The group next moved further north up the Thai peninsula to the island of Koh Tao.  Since Koh Tao is famous for its Scuba diving and snorkeling the group decided that it would be worthwhile to spend one day exploring the underwater world.  Unfortunately, the group lacked both the funds and training necessary for Scuba diving; consequently, snorkeling was the chosen method of exploration.

 

                                I would be dishonest if I did not say that the overall snorkeling experience left much to be desired in the minds of our collective group.  As a whole, each drop-off snorkeling location lacked much differentiation in regards to the underwater coral and fauna present.  Fortunately, one spot did have a remarkable large number of a similar type of fish in the same alcove which was noteworthy in the minds of each traveler.

 

                                After spending about two weeks on islands the group had mixed feelings about returning to the hectic nature of traveling on mainland Thailand.  Likewise, the inauspicious worsening illness of one of our camp seemed to follow us as an imposing cloud does ahead of the impending storm on our night train ride north to Bangkok.

 

                                Out of our entire trip one of the most surprising things was the uneventful nature of our stay in Bangkok, Thailand.  I think that there may several causational factors which attributed to this truism.  Firstly, the group was still in the midst of a month long trip which was starting to take a toll on our resolve.  Secondly, the group celebrated the Full Moon festival on Koh Phangan only a few days' earlier which at the time had left everyone pretty sapped of energy.  Lastly, I at least personally feel that I had a real desire to avoid getting into a bad situation in this city of admitted sin, corruption, and violence.  Knowing that a lot of people come to Thailand looking to enjoy the freedoms the country is famously associated with kept me at an arm's length away from any compromising situations.       

Winter Vacation: Analyzing the Dynamics of a Successful Group

                                I was blessed with having the opportunity to spend an entire month on the road travelling with four excellent companions.  Our group was made up of five Americans in total with each person already possessing an extensive traveling resume in their lifetime.  Our group even shared deeper levels of connection though, since all of us were at the time teaching English in China.  These contributing factors helped us to further our greater senses of group identity.

 

                                As I was a late arrival to the group; I had previously been planning a separate trip with another workmate which ended up falling through at the last minute, I was not especially pleased with the itinerary going into the trip.  Obviously, different people are going to have conflicting opinions on what exactly is an "ideal" vacation in their own minds.  Since attempting to conflate the two itineraries would have been pointless and caused a lot of unnecessary sturm un drang within the group I decided to only try and push for one digression from their original plan.

 

                                With that being said, I was lucky in the fact that the group was pretty flexible in nature and found enjoyment easy enough in almost all of experiences that arose while traveling.  Obviously, groups are always going to be tested whenever they share a close proximal distance over a long duration of time.  Contrary to what many of my closest friends back home may have assumed of me growing up I think that by nature I tend to recoil against any attempt at group collusion when I am in the minority; nevertheless, I still find myself acquiescing in the face of a unanimous group decision.  Fortunately for me our group did not experience too many parsimonious situations or tightly contested split decisions during the trip.  Whenever such a debate did occur the group usually decided to split up for that day, which in the end promoted the best possible outcome for both interested parties. 

 

                                During this trip I was able to recognize several important lessons regarding my conduct in groups.  First, I learned that it was never wise to withhold your true feelings regarding something important.  When I looked back on my life I was surprised to discover ubiquitous examples of times when I attempted to ameliorate situations by limiting my own personal goals.   Only recently have I learned that feigning false affectations aimed at receiving the approbations of others is not the right path to take in life.  Only by truthfully answering others will I be able to remove the bounds that shackled my true self.  The true self yearns to live without boundaries in life and finds contentment only in knowing that it is unrestricted in expression.

 

                                Another point important contributing factor to the overall balance of the group was the cohesiveness of my four compatriots.  Two of the teachers had been friends since grade school whereas a third friendship was forged in college with another colleague.  The one and only female in the group was the boyfriend of one of the formerly mentioned colleagues which rounded out our entourage.  This reality left me clearly as the only group member without a closer group distinction prior to my first semester teaching in China.  Since I was clearly the odd man out in this equation it was in my best interest to maintain a neutral or in the most extreme slightly dissenting opinion when called upon.  

 

                                Luckily, as I previously stated earlier the group was in spite of these aforementioned links and congruities able to happily accept me as a fifth member of their unit.