The Parting of a Couple:  How to Prepare for the Unknown?

 

                                As the semester began to wind down a new and unfamiliar dilemma entered into my awareness.  Mainly, I knew that it was going to be difficult for us to abruptly part ways at the end of the semester.  In order to tolerate this end, I attempted to assuage my bereavement by telling myself comforting half-truths.  After going through the moment, I can definitively say that this effort at denying my true feelings undoubtedly was a defense mechanism I put in place in order to protect myself and others from emotional distress.

 

                                Since I was not really ready to move on at that point in our relationship I made an effort to try and become imaginative regarding where our relationship would go from there.  In my defense, I really did want to find a way for our relationship to maintain itself even during our extended period of absence.  The harsh reality was that both of us were living two different lives in two different countries.  Unfortunately, even returning to Chongqing would not afford us the chance to see each other since Lainey is pursuing her two years master's degree in Seoul, South Korea.  Since long distances apart push even the most steadfast couples to their limits if they rarely communicate with one another.

 

                                Honestly, I have always thought that the physical presence of the other partner in the relationship is a crucial part of maintaining a sustainable relationship over time.  Summarily, I like to use services such as Skype only when the distance that separates you from those you are attempting to contact is too great to overcome through any other means.  This feeling of impending doom and loss had the accumulated effect of making me doubt all of my actions going forward as I attempted to do the right thing in our relationship.

 

                                Another great concern of mine was that we had not spent more than a few months together before our extended separation was set to take place.  Typically, the idea of dating in China is taken much more seriously than it is in the west; likewise, the ramifications of said relationships are much greater since dating is seen as the precursor to the inevitable marriage between the couple.  Unsurprisingly, I found that these other cultural differences had the combined effect of making it more difficult for me to maintain our relationship going forward.

 

                                In spite of all of my misgivings about preserving our relationship while being apart, I firmly believed at the time that I had made the right decision to extend our relationship while apart.  Likewise, after talking about it with Lainey we both agreed that we wanted to give the long-distance relationship a shot.  Since we had both already had experiences living abroad the daunting nature of the task ahead of us was a forefront concern in both of our minds.  Nonetheless, I do not think that I really grasped the gravity of the struggle ahead of us.

 

                                Saying goodbye to Lainey was truly one of the more difficult things that I have done in my life.  I really was feeling all out of sorts as we sat in the airport together before her flight was to take off for her home in 河北省 (Hebei province).  On the eve of our departure we exchanged gifts which we had prepared for the other person to take back home with them.  Lainey's gift really showed me the depth of her spirit.  She gave me a handcrafted memory book which had pictures in it taken from all of our experiences together while dating.  Believe me when I say that this gift really was something that I will treasure forever.