I find it strange to remember that my last blog was talking about my vacation with Cory. Two weeks later, and I have already jumped headfirst into a summer filed with vast alternatives to choose from. Being free to make these choices really does indicate to a person what they value most in life. At the very least it tells them what they enjoy doing with their free time! My time this summer has indicated to me that I am a person who wishes to balance his time in many different pursuits.
I have started my long awaited personal jump into writing! In earnest, I have complied a couple dozen pages on my experiences living abroad, some ideas, and life experiences. Writing has always been a pursuit which I found to be rewarding intrinsically. Unfortunately, I always found institutional education’s attempt at academic pursuit of writing within the frame work of one area’s focus to be entrapment of internal creativity. What I find to be exceedingly enjoying is discovering similarities and differences between different academic criterion and subject matter. Next, I try to draw the identifying ideas into a newly formed synthesis of ideas. The result being what I always hope is something creative or new. In reality, most of the ideas are trivial or deserve more study or research. What I aim for is individual creativity something that is not found within the all framework.
There is just something unexplainable regarding the feeling that you get when you are able to put together an idea on paper. In the mind, the ideas are like an infinite amount of possibility stored up as energy. When the idea comes out in writing the energy is released into the realm of possibility. At first, penning your ideas into coherent thought is a challenging prospect; however, pushing through those inner forces to complete your thoughts allows a sense of inner fulfillment. The most remarkable thing is when you realize that you in fact matter as a person. Not just you matter but that your thoughts matter to. Even if your target reader is only a small audience that may not even be able to understand your real intent, purpose, or meaning of what you are describing. The beauty of human life is existence. Cogito ergo sum… “I think therefore; I am,” does a nice job of elucidating the fulfillment of this life for me. Humans are the only creatures who are able to put their life experiences into deeper meaning. Writing is the natural fait accumpli for human expression. Scholarship being the natural fulfillment of any reasoned philosophy in its many forms. I only fear that people will lose their love of purposeful writing in the future. The ability to write on blogs, face book, and twitter feds are both great gifts and curses. It all depends on how you plan on using it. Other than writing; I have also taken to several other pursuits this summer.
First off, my gaining popularity in Rongchang has granted me two different summer teaching jobs. I have had the challenge and privilege to teach mostly middle and high school students. I have enjoyed working with both groups as they have given me another outlet for my vast energies. I have also found great enjoyment working with the younger children of elementary school age as well. I enjoy making their world’s picture of foreigners brighter for in the 21st century. I have had to do a lot of pedagogical changing to meet the challenges of teaching students who barely know any English. Therefore, I usually start off by trying to explain everything in Chinese (my Chinese is still that of a beginner) which makes for an interesting forty minutes! My classrooms also do not have projectors or computers so both of those easy avenues are gone. I have take to a strategy of combining pictures, brochures, posters, and anything of English as visual teaching ques. After being able to see the objects, pictures, etc I explain in Chinese and than in English what it is. Again, my Chinese is poor so this is still a slow process! Next, I write the word or phrase on the chalk board and we practice speaking as a class. I think being a foreigner is my only saving grace in keeping their attention. To this point, I can say that I have not yet had complete anarchy in the room which is a good sign. Altogether, my students are warmly receptive to my teaching and my pedagogy is getting better with each class. I also am bringing candy with next time to keep my students’ interests piqued! I guess candy has the same effect on whether you are an Eastern or Western elementary student!
I have continued running with marked success. Muscle adaptation has allowed me to switch energy systems in only two years time; which goes to show how incredibly adaptive the human body is under the stress of training. While running on the treadmill I have reached all time best time and distance marks so far this summer. It is hard for me to quantify what running means to me anymore. I use to run because I had the goal of running a marathon. I enjoyed the way my body was changing and felt that I was able to notch off another “life” goal of mine. Now things have changed for me. No longer do I run for my upcoming marathon next year. I run because it sets my mind free. For a couple hours each day I am completely free from cellphones, ipods, the internet, the world, etc. I have come up with most of my thoughts while running during my time in China and I only recently started reaching my thought potential when my ipod broke several months ago. This break from reality gave me the unique moment to rediscover meaning in life, my spirit, soul, essence of human existence, and my own inner life struggles. Only throw this daily experience of running have I been able to look deeply into the good and the bad of who Erik Kottom really is. Each run like each day is different too. Sometimes I run with a tune in my mind. Other days my thoughts are completely blank, irrelevant, or of fantasy. In reality, each one is the necessary measure of one’s inner reality of that moment in time. I cannot stress enough how I was only able to find peace in these ruminations through running. It has been as therapeutic as writing for me during times of malaise.
I have enjoyed biking, basketball, reading, and living in Rongchang. A fact of my existence in China has been living like a celebrity in the eyes of my Chinese community. I have had more pictures taken, cell phone numbers, QQ numbers (equivalent of instant messenger), well wishers, etc than I can count, and already I am finding that I need to have some time for personal space. I have resorted to making a good deal of my meals at home now to avoid always being singled out while eating. Another thing that I have had to learn to say is “no” sometimes. At first I indulged every single person I saw. I sad “hello”, answered everyone in Chinese when I knew what they were saying, and basically was a very outgoing guest in the Rongchang community. I still am today regardless of how I am trying to keep my personal space too. I cannot change my outward friendly manner. I have just learned to tell people “no” sometimes. I think of it as understanding that we all have limits. Sometimes I have to say “no” to myself and that whole process has taken time for me to get around to as well. It is a balanced and necessary transition for me but something that I am feeling much better about moving forward.
I am currently still reading an intimate biographical look at the life of Dietrich Bonheoffer. His continuous ability to see life’s many difficult decisions through the eyes of God was an incredible feat of discipline, calling, respect, and virtue. Both Bonheoffer and Gandhi shared a love for creating environmentally sustainable living in their own times. I find their individual measures very compelling and interesting regarding the 21st centuries continued environmental concerns. I have come to the fact that I find any argument against sustainable development as quite short sighted for the future. The role of humanitiy may be debated; however, I feel that weather or not we influenced a lot or a little of the many problems humanity can and should work to make the world a healthy place to live in environmentally. Regardless of blame, guilt, or innocence I feel that humans should be compelled to help the environment from many perspectives. First off, if you believe that the environment is of no concern to you than you need to ask yourself where you receive your life sustenance from. Foods, plants, naturally synthesized chemicals, medicines, and humans all live naturally on the Earth. If you destroy that biodiversity, forests, rivers, animals, etc than you are going to lose out on a considerable amount of naturally sustained sources of modern human existence which we use to live our every day normal lives.
Next, ask yourself if you would be willing to pay for all of the natural pollination of plants, purification of water sheds, oxidation, translation of trees, and other services provided free from nature. An estimate in 1997 was that these processes would cost 33 trillion dollars annually. Any first estimated number is going to draw a lot of criticisms from researchers and skeptics; therefore, I believe that even if it is less than half reliable that is still an extremely high price to pay. I am not a scientist; however, I am a person who loves experience. Being able to go skiing on beautiful mountains, hiking in Yosemite National Park, descending down the Grand Canyon, or be it walking slowly in your own communities forest parks I enjoy being alone in nature. There is a unique part of every religion which finds many of its leaders discovering truth alone in caves, mountains, deserts, etc. Buddhism, Daoism / Taoism, Christianity, and Hinduism all feature unique love for the environment. Far from being only a moral argument it is also a future job creator in a competitive global market today. Looking at things from a holistic viewpoint allows you to see the benefits of smart planning. Even in China they are making remarkably clean, fast, and cutting edge transportation infrastructure which makes America’s 1950’s interstate highway system feel archaic. I know that if anyone in the world can lead these changes it is America where the technology, innovation, intelligence, and economic advantages all come together better than anywhere on the earth. At least today.
It is time that America changes its image from being the wasteful and consumptive giant of the world. I was reading an article where CNN’s Fareed Zakaria compared America and China in contention to see whose resources, government, and infrastructure was in a better position for the 21st century. Fareed draws some fundamentally correct analysis on the current situation, especially politically in America; regardless, America can still put forward a new synthesis of economic growth unsurpassed in the future if it embraces the changing world it lives in today. And that goes for everyone in the world today. The future has never been more up for the grabs while countries like Brazil and China continue to put forward consistent GDP numbers annually. Who twenty years ago would have believed that in 2011 United States would be in the current economic crisis? Not many people would have been able to foreshadow that the plentiful nineties would give birth to the unstable world of the 21st century which the U.S.A. would find itself in somewhat precarious economic, political, and military situations. This incredible rate of change has never been seen in the world before. The rise and fall of governments, ideas, economy, technology, innovation, etc is going to move at hyper speed for now on. In order to remain in this battle for the long-run countries and leaders are going to have to learn not to be comfortable with their position at the moment. If you feel that these are still not valid concerns question the opportunity cost of inaction. What if you are wrong about letting the world go on a “status quo” for development, population, and consumption as usual? I would hate to have to be there when “I told you so” would not even matter because there would be no future for the United States nor humanity to hope for on Earth.
On a personal note I have been thinking a great deal about how I want to spend time in my life. Here are some of the thoughts that I have been thinking of lately cataloguing my emotional responses to things. Unlike most people I have always analyzed things at many levels; with my emotional responses to outward experiences depending greatly on the current moment’s thoughts.
The perpetual movement of time continues to torrent forward like a sea against rock cliffs. Time means different things to different people during different times in life. To me, time is an enemy; constantly hounding, pestering, and aching for fulfillment of new experience. I have worked to alleviate my pestering time in several ways; however, I have come to a point where I am beginning to question every single decision I do each day to see if it measures up to my “high” estimate of value. Inasmuch, I am finding it sometimes exceedingly difficult to feel able to enjoy my own experiences that I have enjoyed in the past. To this effect, I am still deciding on how I want to manage this new feeling of mine in ways that I find it strange to think that this sort of thinking is part of a revolving cycle I have encountered in the past of my life as well. I remember feeling the same last summer as I was preparing for my last semester at college. I wanted to make the most out of my time before I was going to make the “plunge” into a full-time career. Invariably, I lost out on this great gift of time and found myself feeling quiet empty inside. I believe that this goes back into the physiology of my brain’s chemistry; something that I believe I can only find better ways of managing as I grow older. It is such a paradox to think that what truly makes me different; drive, passion, hope, perseverance, and resilience also is my undoing. The antonym of these words clearly reflects a darker human quality: masochism. Am I needlessly suffering for my own self-righteousness?
It is a question that I have to ask myself from time to time and sometimes do not have an answer to. Regardless, I know that I struggle with this question because I feel called to deliver the truth, bring meaning, and inner passion to whatever I am doing in life. It is not merely making the best out of every situation, something I try to do nonetheless, but a greater feeling of self-fulfillment. Self fulfillment only comes from the realization of knowing the best and worst about yourself, the balance of your mind, the meaning of your soul, and the acceptance of your body as a gift of human life. Only through these types of personal knowledge will a person be able to find great meaning in their life. The great thing about personal knowledge is that it is only learned through different experiences. These experiences can vary in their realities (marriage, living abroad, suffering, true love, etc) but they all have a core way of expressing the inner beauty of one’s soul. That is the kind of peace I am looking for in my experiences abroad and am happy to say I am finding day by day. Like the great Tim Robbins stated in Shaw shank Redemption, “Get busy living, or get busy dying”!
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