The recent happenings in my life have reaffirmed my belief that it is important to remain true to your moral values even when times get tough in life. Often times, I believe that it is not a single event which can elicit a response which goes against your moral fiber. I also believe that in most situations people would decide not to react in a morally objectionable way if they were given the chance to think their action’s through. Rather, I feel that the daily grind of life corrosively wears away a person’s beliefs at which point they become weak to any number of moral depravities. As I have come to understand the way my mind functions I believe that sometimes I over analyze a situation to my own demise. The danger lies in putting a value statement on morals in comparison to other factors which ultimately decide an outcome. A+B does not always = C, and in this case because morals are not something which should ever be calculated into a situation’s outcome. The morals of a person should dictate the situation more than the other variables and remain resolute even when times get tough. From thinking about my own moral dilemmas I stumbled upon the idea of a world based off of a moral code.
I often wonder about how a world based off of morality would look like. If a person were to be judged based off of their moral fabric would the world be a better place to live in? Problems would certainly arise as is the case with anything designed by humans. If morality was to be the judge of a person’s position in society than a whole new list of issues would develop. Someone or something of course would need to be the judge of this morality system. Would the judge be a single person or an institution? Would an appointment of religious leaders or presidents decide what was morally acceptable? I believe that a “morality scale” would need to be created for people to be able to judge their own morality. Thus, people would soon create a new hierarchy to measure the most successful or in this case, moral people. Of course, some people would take advantage of the new system and others would argue that morality was too ambiguous of a manner to govern society itself. If everyone went around doing things that their conscience told them was right than the entire foundation of society would change. Governments, prisons, and business as they exist today might operate completely different which would anger those already in power in the current system. In my heart I would like to think that the world would be a better place even if my head tells me that it might not be. I think people would find a much more equalitarian world to live in; however, I too know that not everyone values moral intentions like I do.
My frugality with spending money has caused my conscience to be quite flustered lately. I am perpetually afraid of anything to do with money since I am really living off of a limited salary here in China. The increased tension from not knowing how the future will work with limited funding has negatively altered my personality at times recently. My heightened fears were exacerbated by China’s lassiez-faire manner of handling deadlines. By not knowing that I would be going to Vietnam and Malaysia until a week and a half ago I truly had my anxiety meter on high lately.
Fortunately, an important realization came to me yesterday and some of my fears have receded since. I can choose to be fearful of the unknown or to simply let it come at me in stride. I want to choose the latter since I know that in either case I cannot control my fate. No person on earth is clairvoyant, and I would never ask to have the foresight to know my own life destiny if I could. Life is a great mystery which delivers life lessons daily. Only after being hit by the same lesson several (or in my case) many times can we truly learn from the experiences of life itself. If I consider all of the troubles that develop in life I will merely find myself always coming up with compelling reasons not to do anything at all. The only true way to have worthwhile experiences is to try new things in life even if you think you “might” be making a mistake at times.
From taking this approach at times in life I have found many things appealing to me which I never imagined before. I know that I will never regret coming to China and experiencing all of the things which I have here. If I merely decided to “play it safe” like I usually have in life I would have missed out in some of the greatest moments in my life. The only piece of advice for restraint comes from my deep moral fiber. I truly believe that all new novel experiences are wonderful except those which cause you to sacrifice your personal morals.
I wanted to approach the question of “fear” besides the fact that it plays a great role in my own decision-making process. The subject was brought to the forefront through a conversation I had with another American while staying in Chongqing for Christmas last weekend. This person came from a pro peace background by citing herself as both a Vietnam and Iraq War protestor. She also discussed the idea that “fear” in the lives of everyday Americans reached a whole new level during the presidency of George W. Bush. Besides her clearly liberal and equalitarian background I reflected that she had some interesting points regarding the rising fear in the lives of Americans today. Questions from; “will I have my job tomorrow”, and “where is the money to pay my bills going to come from”, to “how can I pay for my son’s/daughter’s tuition”, and “is my savings money at risk of being lost from another market meltdown” are all valued concerns today.
Some of the parallel effects of fear are that many people are unable to find time to think on their own creatively. I find this reality a devastating blow to the ingenuity which has allowed so many cultures to admire Americans. As many Americans seek a brief release from their endless fears the desire to be entertained increases. People find themselves using a higher ratio of their free time watching television, movies, and surfing the internet. I fear a society which does not spend some of their time thinking about people outside of their everyday lives. Since people will not change in their love of entertainment and media agencies will not change in the mindless content they promote I fear a decline in America may be inevitable if the current situation is not remedied soon.
I have found that by living in China I have enjoyed more time to think on my own creatively. This is partially a systematic difference between China and the United States due to the fact that people take afternoon naps, play cards, or often drink tea together while on the job. The daily “xiuxi” or “rest” period lasts two and a half hours causing traffic and daily life to almost come to a standstill at times as people enjoy their free time. The other factor lies in the working situation I have found myself in with Southwest University. My lax schedule and teaching responsibilities allow me the ability to spend a lot of time pursuing the questions that I have pondered much of my life. The result is that I truly have a much better idea of who I am as a person. This reflects my longing to allow other people to have an opportunity to experience some of the groundbreaking discoveries I have had in my own life. I know that many people do not seek this sort of reflective experience. I can only comment on the joy which has come from my own personal journey. That is not to say that everything has been rosy. A lot of times people deflect many thoughts in order to help justify things in life at which they cannot control. Other times people keep parts of them locked as far inside as they can in the hope that they will never again come back to their conscious mind. The journey into the mind can be sometimes grim even if it is redeeming.
The last few weeks of teaching this winter helped me to appreciate having fellow foreign English teachers in Rongchang. The attendance level of many of my students dropped to only a few students a day. Ali and Cory suffered from the same attendance lulls which made the decision to teach as a team an easy one. The combined three classes’ worth of students and teachers helped everyone by reinvigorating the teachers and introducing new viewpoints for the students. The students who continued to come enjoyed the last classes as we altogether discussed American Christmas traditions. It helped to have three different teachers telling students about their own personal holiday traditions. Chinese students were surprised to hear that not everyone celebrates the holidays in a similar fashion or are Christian in the United States. Ali’s wonderful powerpoint presentation which included an unbelievable amount of information on Christmas was a big hit for our students. Cory and I helped to add in points of interest at appropriate times as we concluded our last class. Afterwards, students listened to a couple of Christmas songs on the computer which they found interesting and exciting for a time.
At the end of the week student were invited to a formal American Christmas celebration held by the foreign teachers. Each teacher made sure to tell their students to come and attend the party. In preparation for the party, Ali, Cory, and I, went to the most modern super market to buy food, drinks, supplies, and Christmas decorations. Interestingly, Christmas is one of the only western holidays to be recognized in China. Therefore, an ample amount of Christmas ornaments, Santa hats, and decorations were available for purchase. Beforehand, we had permission from Mr. Tian to book two classrooms marked for studying to use as a place for hosting the party. One room would feature a quick summary of Christmas culture in America, Christmas music, games, and refreshments. The other room would feature the humorous movie, “Christmas Vacation” starring Chevy Chase.
The night of the party I was getting messages from unknown students looking forward to attend the event which seemed like a good sign. At least thirty students showed up early to help in the arranging of desks, preparing of supplies, and provide general help in setting up the Christmas party. It was a strong show of support from the student body to take time out of their busy schedules to help us prepare.
By seven o’clock over one-hundred students were already in attendance. Due to some technical difficulties with the computer in one room many students first started out watching the movie in the next door classroom. Finally, the other computer was operating again which allowed us to introduce the powerpoint. Next, we played Christmas music which the students seemed to enjoy. The highlight of the entire night for both students and teachers was the performance of “Frosty the Snowman” by the foreign teachers. Cory and Ali sang the lyrics to the song while I performed an “interpretive dance” as accompaniment to the singing. Overall, it was a very entertaining experience for all involved as Ali and Cory stopped singing to laugh several times.
The night ended with Chinese students performing for a couple gifts here and there supplied by the foreign teachers. Due the shame based culture which perpetuates Chinese culture we were unable to get any students to perform voluntarily. Instead, a hat was passed around while listening to music until I stopped the song. The person with the hat in their possession as the song ended was destined to perform our bow out gracefully. The game’s aim was not based on drawing shame to students; rather, the rules were simply that a person could do as much or as little as they wanted in their performance. Even the word performance was very loosely construed as to allow for even a magic show demonstration. Most of the students chose to sing a few lines from an English song they knew. The highlight for me was one of the magic performances a group of three male students performed using me as a prop.
After the performances we decided that it was time to call it a night. The always willing to help Chinese students assisted in all forms of cleaning up which saved us a lot of time. Overall, the Christmas party was a great success. The only aggravating thing was that I was asked to take so many pictures with students that my face muscles actually become sore by the end of the night.
From discussing Christmas with some of the Chinese students I learned that many people enjoy giving apples to each other on Christmas. The word for apple is “ping guo” which is very similar to the word for health “ping an”. People in China have been giving apples to friends and family during the Christmas season to wish those around them good health in the upcoming year. Otherwise, many people in China know very little about what the exact meaning of Christmas is in our culture. I would later find that out during my Christmas trip to Chongqing that next week.
The next week was a momentous one for Cory and I as we finally got our tickets for our trip to Vietnam and Malaysia arranged and paid for. It would take me until this week to finally pay-off my balance as I was awaiting my December pay from Southwest. By knowing that things would finally be coming true we really spent some time hammering out the details of the trip together. After looking up some of the things which we wanted to do together we decided on a rough itinerary. We are planning to spend four days in Vietnam and seven days in Malaysia. Looking at the two locations also alluded to the need to get some extra medications in order to protect ourselves from malaria. With the help of Mr. Tian I was able to get my last Hepatitis A vaccination along with a prescription of doxycycline to prevent malaria.
A trip into Chongqing would be needed in order to get these necessary pieces of medical protection for myself. Due to the fact that both Ali and Cory were also running low on western food and supplies they decided to accompany me into Chongqing on a day trip which would include a stop at our favorite place in China, Metro. The Metro chain stores are similar to that of Costco or Sam’s Club in the United States. They allowed all three of us to have a little bit of home as we were about to experience a Christmas without family and friends.
During this trip we also accompanied Mr. Tian to help him look at several cars as he is now in the market to buy his first car since Brian, his son, is now a licensed driver. As foreigners in the store we experienced great fanfare from the staff. The best English speaking employee was asked to take care of us and offered us a variety of refreshments. Afterwards, Mr. Tian invited us to a delicious feast at our favorite restaurant in Rongchang. The trip began at one p.m. in the afternoon and lasted until we arrived home from dinner at 8:30 p.m. in the evening. Overall, it was the first time that Cory or I had driven in a car for more than ten minutes since September; therefore, we did not mind the day’s protracted nature even as I secretly lamented missing exercising this day.
Friday the 23rd of December, Cory and I embarked on a planned Christmas trip to Chongqing. This trip was going to be special for several reasons. First, it was going to be our first trip back to Chongqing on our own since September. Second, it was going to be an opportunity for us to see our great friends, Jack and Lance. Fortunately, Cory and I were going to be in time to say goodbye to Lance as he would soon embark on his great adventure studying abroad in California. The last reason for me was that I really needed a change in scenery. I still enjoy my time in Rongchang immensely; however, the lack of other foreign friends and items is disheartening at times even with my close friends here in Rongchang.
This trip was an opportunity to really experience Christmas with some interesting Chinese twists to it. Our afternoon on the 23rd was uneventful as Cory was still working through a bad sinus infection. Therefore, we basically went to grab some dinner and came back to enjoy the finale to the Harry Potter saga movies. For both of us this was a treat as my parents sent them to me with my Christmas package a few weeks ago. Gearing up for a fun night with our friends Jack and Lance the next morning was on our minds as we slept well at the Yangtze River hostel.
Walking around the Jiefengbai area on Christmas Eve was an incredible experience for me. The large quantity of lights and Christmas ornaments decorations throughout the district contributed to the aesthetic quality of the area nicely. It was an extremely entertaining afternoon watching the people preparing to celebrate Christmas Eve. I was about to learn that Chinese culture really has very little understanding of what the western meaning of Christmas is. Many shop owners were selling large inflatable bats, devil ears, Santa hats, and an assortment of carnival snacks. I even saw a small child carrying around cotton-candy, something which I did not believe existed in China before that time.
While walking around together, Cory and I ran into two English teachers in Beibei we had met at the Chongqing reception in September. It was great to be accompanied by two other Americans who both had studied at Saint John’s University. As we talked together a sensation to be teaching and living in Beibei entered my thoughts as I pondered the incredible opportunities for me to learn Chinese there with other foreigners. Certainly, I have been considering many alternatives in my future as has Cory. I am impressed with my ability to learn Chinese quickly and on my own; however, I really would like to experience learning Chinese with other foreigners. In my past, I have found that I am very good in a classroom environment and feel that I could flourish in a classroom full of enthusiastic learners.
The evening of the 24th of December included an interesting celebration at the stroke of midnight. People crowded around the Jiefengbai clock tower in anticipation of the strike of the bell. The greatest amount of angry looking riot police I have ever seen in China awaited the crowd of eager and a little inebriated large crowd of people. Once the bell stroke midnight people went at each other with their large inflated bats. It was an incredible sight to see so many people excited in this physical sort of manner since Chinese culture does not promote this type of contact. With the riot police being on hand to break apart larger groups of people the night ended uneventfully for most people.
Unfortunately, one of our Beibei colleagues was not as lucky as he reacted on a push from an unseen policeman. This would place him at odds with the Chinese police which proceeded to escort the unlucky assailant to jail. I am sure that this Christmas Eve will be one in which an unbelievable story will continue on the annual recalling of the event in mention! The next morning he was released on bail and personally okay. He even received a text message of, “Merry Christmas” from one of his police cell-guards on Christmas afternoon.
The rest of the night went down as one of great merry-making between our group of four friends; I, Cory, Jack, and Lance. After dinner, we went to a Chinese barbecue located very near some late night entertainment. All in all, it was a great way to celebrate the season together and say goodbye to our great friend, Lance.
Christmas morning was one of slow convalescence as many people in the hostel were looking to recover from the past evening’s excitement. Christmas afternoon included recounting our adventures with other foreigners in the hostel together. That evening Cory and I made a stop to our favorite western-style restaurant for dinner. Cory and I always enjoy our stops at “Suzie’s Pizza”, which is one of the most sought after eateries for foreigners in Chongqing. Suzie is always very welcoming to me whenever I come and visit her restaurant. As a single wage-earner she embarked on a mission to start her small restaurant from within her own apartment. Only a few years ago she would use her bed as a dinner table for guests. As business has since flourished, she is now able to move into a second apartment to live in addition to remodeling her apartment-restaurant.
The crowd always includes a healthy amount of foreigners looking to spend some time together and enjoy the amazing food. Upon entering the small restaurant, Cory and I were offered some eggnog from an American foreign teacher named Jeff. On several occasions before I have spoken to Jeff regarding a variety of topics. During the evening we were introduced to some of Jeff’s foreign and Chinese friends. The restaurant featured soft background music as accompaniment to our conversations. Overall, it was an extremely satisfying way to celebrate Christmas Day even though we were both missing family and friends back in America. The rest of the evening was spent walking around Shapingba district together as we enjoyed our first Dairy Queen since last summer.
P.S. Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season and New Years back home in the United States!
Best,
E.K.
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