Leading
up to my journey back to the United States:
My anticipation was growing the
date for my return trip to the United States grew nearer. Knowing that some things would be different
at home and that I my experience in China had changed me in ways did not in any
way diminish my excitement to finally see family and friends again. However, I also had developed ambivalence
towards traveling in China since finally realizing that nothing in China ever
goes according to plan. Nonetheless, I
was pleased with my flight schedule and called left the actualization of things
go to the gods of fate and the inconsistencies of traveling in central China.
On the day before my departure, Mr.
Tian called to tell me that he was going to pick me up early so he could go and
get some business done the morning of my flight. Normally, I would have been extremely
laissez-faire with this slight change in plans after becoming accustomed to a
myriad of last minutes planning while traveling in China. However, on this occasion I was a little more
overt in my objections to this arrangement since I needed to make sure I
arrived at the airport in time for my flight.
As I voiced my concerns to Mr. Tian
I found his response to assuage my fears absolutely quintessentially Chinese,
“It does not matter.” (Mr. Tian) An
outward observer might think his response to be very cold at first glance;
however, the reality is that Chinese people will always do their best to save
face in all situations and never want to be told that they are the one out of
line. In my everyday life in China I
often see this type of obsequious face-saving whenever a person gets upset with
someone else. Likewise, social-events in
China can become much ritualized affairs which focus on flattery and praise for
work done well. Now that I am back home
writing about this I find it both illuminating and entertaining to see how
little I was able to prompt my supervisor into action just by trying to explain
to him the situation. This is an area
where I will need to improve my understanding of Chinese culture if I am going
to have more luck working with Chinese people in the future.
I have found in China that in most
cases communication difficulties arise from cultural differences even more so than
by language translation errors. For
example, if Mr. Tian would have just told me that all he had to do was pickup
and drop off envelopes on the way to the airport I would never have been
nervous the day before my traveling began.
This is I feel is a direct result from the idea in Chinese culture that
a person who has an elevated level of in society does not feel they have to
explain themselves to prodding questions of a youth. The other important factor is that most
foreigners are a lot more direct in the manner in which they ask questions
compared to Chinese people. This
up-front manner of asking questions throws off a lot of Chinese people who are
used to having to interpret meaning out of words in order to find a person’s
true feelings.
Overall, my last few weeks in China
were a time of great confusion for me. I
literally could not put myself in the mindset of what it would be like to be
home again after being away for so long.
As I tried to picture myself in my normal routine I consistently found
that I had trouble seeing myself living my daily life back home. I knew that I had changed a lot while living
in China and was having trouble seeing how my life could ever go back to normal
after living in China. The problem was
not that I had trouble remembering events in my life. The reality was that I had finally become
used to my life in China and after sixteen months was not sure what life in
America would feel like again. I also felt
alien in the fact that I was starting to lose my ability to relate with friends
at home as I had a sixteen month gap of time between us. Also, I think I felt a greater disconnect
since trends in American culture change so fast as to what is fashionable that
I knew I would really be out of the loop when I got back home.
The one unanswered question that
was haunting me was how were people going to react to me being gone for so long
when I returned to the States? Would my
family treat me like I was still in college or an adult? Were people going to understand why I decided
to take a leap of faith and go to China?
All of these questions and more filled my mind with a sort of malaise.
Feeling stuck between two
completely different cultures and not knowing where you fit is never a
comforting feeling. It created in me a
sense of being lost in the world, and it kept me very frustrated since I felt
there was nothing I could do to prepare myself for the culture shock which was
ahead for me. My struggle was compounded
by the fact that I had recently lost my best friend and pet of thirteen years,
Trey. Trey was always a great companion
and losing him right at the end of my first year and a half in China really
hurt. Knowing that the home I was to
return would be much different from the one I had left was something that I
knew would take me some time to adjusting to.
The
flight home:
In hindsight, missing my
international flight was actually a blessing in disguise as it helped me to
learn how to relax better when something went wrong while traveling
internationally. Mr. Tian’s last minute
schedule change was not reason behind me missing my international flight. He
actually got me to the airport exactly on time; however, my flight from
Chongqing to Beijing ended up having an hour and a half maintenance problem
that caused me to miss my connecting flight to San Francisco. That day I was put in a hotel with free room,
board, and transportation back to the airport for my flight the following
day. Overall, it was not a terrible
situation to be in and probably something that will happen to me in my life
again sometime.
Being a nervous person who feels a
sense of impending doom both add to my dislike of flying. Nonetheless, by the next day I was so excited
to be traveling that I took little notice of these things as I entered the International
jet set to bring me home.
I tried to focus on only the most
important things that I knew I was looking forward to back home. One of the many things which I knew I was
going to look forward to was having my freedom of speech back. Not that I felt that a great expectation for
telling people back home a bunch of things about China that I could not have
said while I lived there. Actually, I just
wanted the knowledge that I would no longer need to have to filter my thoughts
in order to make sure that they were not disrupting the Party’s policies and my
responsibilities as a teacher in China.
While waiting in line to board the
plan I meet a nice Chinese graduate student from Taixing, Jiangsu. While chatting together, I realized that I
had finally met my first goal of being able to speak fluently in Chinese with
an educated Chinese person who also was fluent in English. This was a great moment for me in retrospect
and something that I can attribute only to hard work and a will to succeed.
The entire length of the flight I
was unable to sleep as I was extremely excited to get home again. On the flight I sat next to a really nice
American who was coming back after visiting Tibet. I was really excited to share stories with
him regarding my experiences in China and learn more about his wonderful trip
to Tibet. I really enjoyed looking over
his pictures and hearing about the heightened security in Tibet in response to
the upcoming 18th Party Congress.
His trip to Tibet itself was extremely interesting as well as illuminating
for me as someone who has never yet made it to Xizang.
Landing back in the United States
was something that still seems surreal to me today. We arrived in San Francisco on schedule;
11:30 am Pacific time. Due to a runway
change and being on the right side of the plan I was able to see the Golden
Gate Bridge as our plane landed. The
extra treat of being able to identify with a national landmark while landing was
definitely appreciated as I returned home.
The long line of people in front of
me waiting to get throw customs seemed a daunting obstacle until I realized
that I was actually in foreign traveler’s line.
I had traveled so long as a foreigner that I actually forgot that I did
not need to be in that line as I was a citizen of the United States. As I sat in the customs line and subsequent
security check points at San Francisco International Airport; I can remember
thinking I had forgotten how serious United States security examined citizens
and travelers alike. This was in far
contrast with my experiences being able to go through security in China without
having to take my shoes, belt, or watch off.
Often, I was able to get through security in a matter of only minutes.
Still, I marveled at U.S.
efficiency as I was able to do an online check-in in a matter of minutes, get
my luggage re-checked in at the Delta desk, and even have some special
considerations made for on-board travel with the giant present fan Southwest
University gave me.
While in line going through
security I was meet with some malcontent travelers making remarks about how
slow security was taking to get through.
I found there annoyance amusing as I had become so use to people waiting
in much longer lines for hours without complaining much. Latter, I was shocked to sit down at a
restaurant between flights and hear two women openly swearing in a conversation
about Swedish language dialects and traveling abroad. I quickly became extremely embarrassed for
their actions and took to putting my earphones on in order to help drown out
their voices.
A curious phenomenon occurred
throughout my first few days back in the United States. I noticed right away that I thought I could
hear people speaking in Chinese all around me.
I quickly became very confused and felt I must have been
hallucinating. In reality, I was just
experience the first part of what would become my experience with culture
shock. I can also remember thinking that
I was stunned by how many over-weight foreigners were in the airport, and that
I was a little afraid to talk to people since I was not sure of what to say.
The last leg of my flight from San
Francisco to Minneapolis found me exhausted enough to at least sleep for an
hour and a half. During my flight I was
happy to be engaged by a pair of women who were interested in hearing more
about my fan. Both of them commented
that I held it tight as if it were my own child. I told them that after traveling with it for over
two and half days that it felt like it might be my own child at this point. Truthfully,
I was lucky to still have the fan after almost leaving it a couple times in the
Beijing airport while traveling.
Getting
home and two months in the United States:
First seeing my Mom at the
Minneapolis airport was a memory which will be latched in my memory
forever. We were both so happy to see
each other and enjoyed our short chat while waiting for Dad to come pick us up
with the car. As a small family of three
being reunited once again was a very awesome moment for everyone. Having to finally realize the finality of
Trey (our golden retrievers) death while in China was a bitter pill to swallow;
Nonetheless, we were all overjoyed to be able to finally see each other
face-to-face again that nothing seemed like it could spoil our reunion.
My first week back in the U.S. was
extremely frustrating as I had multiple friends try and get in touch with me
only to find that my old cell-phone was out of service and that I was having
trouble shaking off my jet leg. Being
that I had lived in China for so long did not help to get me feeling
comfortable with the time change for nearly two weeks. Sleeping for hours during the afternoon and
being awake at night only exacerbated my feeling of loneliness as I was unable
to be awake during the day for my family and friends to be with me.
I quickly realized that I was not going to be
able to relate to people who had no idea of what my experiences had been like
while in China. It was also exceedingly
hard for my family to understand how difficult it was to get used to life in
the United States my first few weeks back home.
I was often told that it should not take that long to get off the jet
leg and kind of expected to jump right back into the American culture. I know all of these things were probable
outcomes of my time in China but it was still kind of difficult to go through
the first few weeks.
The first Friday home I was feeling
up to it I went over to see some of my good friends back home. This experience was extremely interesting for
me as I can vividly remember my heart pounding from the excitement of seeing so
many of my friends in person at once. I noticed
that while being home I often experience a similar sensation whenever I found
myself in a group of a lot of my friends. It seems quite strange since I am use to being
surrounded by millions of more people in China; nonetheless, I have found
myself feeling more isolated and not so far removed from my old self while
being back in the United States.
As time wore on, I found that is
felt more and more natural being home. At
first, I felt as confident speaking Chinese as I did using English. I even sometimes would forget a word in
English and think of what it was in Chinese to remember what I wanted to
say. This actually happened once during
an interview which was extremely nerve racking situation. I even resulted in jumping into Chinese
conversations at my local community center once only because I really wanted to
speak in the language which I had used primarily for the last six months.
As many people around me know I did
not at first embrace speaking Chinese.
It would take about a year to really get my desire for learning Chinese
to reach a critical mass. Once I had
dedicated myself to learning Chinese I knew that it would not take me too long
until I got the hang of it.
Unfortunately, as a lifelong perfectionist, I found that I constantly
felt insufficient in my Chinese whenever I did not completely understand
someone or was not perfectly able to express myself the first time. As time wore on and my Chinese began to
improve I still ran into moments when I did not feel adequate in my oral or
listening skills; however, I realized that I was just going to have to except
that learning another language was going to take some time and effort. Therefore, signing up for classes at the
University of Minnesota’s Confucius center seemed like a good idea.
After two weeks of being back in
the United States I found myself in my first Chinese class at the Confucius
center. I waited until the class had
started to explain to the instructor that I was a new student and I needed the
classroom materials in order to do the assignment. The whole class and instructors were both
stunned as I spoke fluently in Putonghua.
I made quick friends with the instructors as they discovered that I was
a Chinese enthusiast and we shared different experiences living in China.
By about this time I had come to
accept the fact that some people were just not going to understand my passion
and interest in China as others. One of
the most surprising things for me while being home this summer was hearing some
of my friend’s intellectual curiosity while discussing my experiences in China;
whereas, others did not really care much about China itself. In either case, I was just happy to be back
home and wanted to learn about my friend’s lives as much as taking about my
experiences abroad.
China
part II: A New Beginning:
By the end of the summer I became
extremely excited to be returning to China and start speaking Chinese
again. Being able to meet with some of
my Chinese American friends and sharing my experiences with them also made the
transition smother. The last few days
saying goodbye to friends and family were difficult but not as hard this time
for me. Ironically I felt like I was
returning to a second home in China and looked forward to being reunited with
some of my good friends.
I also was really looking forward
to some of my traveling this year while in China and around the
hemisphere. Looking over maps,
contacting friends in foreign lands, and exchanging travel ideas all obsessed
me my final days in the United States.
Knowing that this might be my last time in China piqued my attention in
relation to trying to travel in as many countries as possible.
The weekend of my flight to China
was spent in the loving company of family and friends. I truly would not have had it any other way
as I felt exceptionally happy to be able to spend a great deal of time with my
parents my last weekend in the United States.
What I would meet on the other side
of the world was still a mystery to me as I had plenty of things different
about my next experience in China. For
starters I would be living in a new city, be teaching at a different
university, and trying to accomplish different goals the next ten months. I also was going to be without my longtime
friend and China partner: Cory Quirk-Becker.
Knowing that all of these changes would all greatly influence my
experience in China I was doing my best
to not try and look too far into the future.
At least that was one lesson that I
knew I had already learned while living in China my first sixteen months.
great stuff Big Dawg!!!
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