Sunday, April 6, 2014

Conversations that Impacted my Life: Answers to the Greater Questions in Life




 

                                The last couple of months before I left for China passed by astonishingly fast for me.  By this time, my responsibilities were merely to help out the family in any way possible while father was recovering.  This task was made even more singular for me since Minnetonka was able to find a full-time para-assistant to assume my responsibilities at the district in December.

 

                                Over the course of my final two months at home I found that the steady routine of life was slowly weighing me down; nonetheless, I still found many ways to remain productive while living at home.  I tried my best to read a book a week, write, study Chinese, exercise, and do at least one fun activity with dad daily. 

 

                                During these long-weeks at home I felt a strong sense of foreboding at not knowing what path the future would lead me down.  I tried my best to remain positive about the direction my life was taking; however, I was shocked to become aware of how difficult it was to imagine myself living my normal life in China.

 

                                I think that there were many contributing factors which all played pivotal roles in allowing this sense of trepidation to dominate my consciousness.  First, the enormity of my father's and uncle's cancer over the past six months left a shadow on my constitution.  Second, I was facing a future which I feared the outcome of.  Truly, I did not think that my Chinese skills could guarantee me employment in the Foreign Service, nor did I like my chances being employed as a consultant following the expiration of my teaching contract in China.  The combined influence of these determining factors left me feeling as though I was a captain of a ship without a clear destination.

 

                                The real turning point for me came through an unexpected encounter with my mother on the eve of my journey back to China.  After having a spirit-engaging conversation we both left knowing so much more about the other person than we had previously.  Truly, the effect of such a heart-to-heart conversation is impossible to overstate with words.  To this day, the contents of this conversation have allowed me to feel ease in mind, body, and soul. 

 

                                Following this inspiring conversation I also had a second conversation with my father which left me equally invigorated.  The combined effect of these two discussions has helped me to be centered in mind.  Now, I feel much more content with the singularity of my goals in regards to my next chapter in life.  The peace of mind that one gets from knowing that they are passionately pursuing perfection in a way which matches their desired vocation is difficult to overestimate in value. 

 

                                After several months of ruminating, I have come to a couple of conclusions regarding the conversations I had with my parents before leaving for China.  Life-changing conversations do not materialize through thin air, nor are they a part of the natural evolution of relationships overtime.  These life-inspiring conversations can only manifest themselves when both parties mutually seek understanding to the greater questions at hand.  When one has a real heart-to-heart conversation with someone else it is important to be utterly and completely honest.  Leaving something out can be the worst thing for both parties moving forward.  Above all else, listening and careful reflection are both of central importance.  Reacting in a rash or harsh manner can have a negative effect on those involved and in some cases even result in leaving both parties feeling worse than before the exchange.

 

                                The impact of such conversations on one's life can be awesome.  The clearness of understanding, life changes, and maturation has all lead me to find greater awareness in life.  This awareness has opened my eyes up to so many new things that I previously was blind to.  One of the best unexpected results of these conversations is that I now wake up each morning feel passionate about my life again.  Strangely enough, I have also noticed the curiosity of my youth has somehow returned.  The unexpected result of my returned sense of inquiry has allowed my studies, reading, writing, and life in general to feel much more vibrant than it had over the past couple of years.  All of these things have come together to make me feel as if I am currently experiencing a "Renaissance" in my life.

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